When I was 24 years old, I decided it was time to adopt a dog. I had no idea what I was in for, but despite all the work and responsibility it ended up being, I was blessed to have found my spirit dog. If you were one of the many who had the pleasure of meeting Audri during our 14 years together, you know what a character she was. So, this is my tribute to my sweet companion who I will never forget.
The Time Audri Adopted Me
This is my favorite story about Audri. I didn’t adopt her, she adopted me. When I was ready to adopt a dog, I decided I wanted to rescue an adult dog. So, my search began with the Denver Dumb Friends League. I visited with a couple dogs over the following couple of weeks, but they were just not quite the one. And then one day when I was perusing ads on Craigslist, I came across Audri. She was a two-year-old rat terrier who had been rescued from breeders by a dog trainer. The breeders abused her during her first two years of life; she was kept in a cage in a dark basement, and she was only let out for 30 minutes per day and she was forced to have multiple back-to-back litters of puppies. Her voice box had been removed, but it eventually grew back. Because of this, she always had a bit of a funny sounding bark, especially in her last couple years of life. I’m not really sure what else they did to her, but she was afraid of feet and frying pans, so I can only imagine. The dog trainer rescued her a couple months before placing the ad on Craigslist and had worked with her to overcome her fears and prepare her for a forever home. Unfortunately, Audri carried some baggage from this experience throughout her life, so she was not exactly the easiest dog to care for.
Audri was living in Loveland when I found her, a small down about an hour north of Denver, so one weekend day I made the drive up to meet her. I pulled up to the trainer’s house, which was on a large piece of land with many animals. As soon as I stepped out of my car, a cute little black and white spotted dog ran up to the fence and started jumping up and down like a pogo stick, with a giant smile on her face. The trainer let me in and showed me around, and all the while Audri followed us around, glued to my side from the start. We sat down on a porch so I could get to know Audri, and she was ALL over me. She smothered me with attention and kisses, and I could barely have a conversation with the trainer. I have never seen her greet another human this way, in fact quite the contrary, which I will get more into later. We agreed I would take her home for a weeklong trial period to decide if she would be a good fit for adoption. Audri and I got into my car and drove back to Denver, and I still remember her sitting in the passenger seat smiling at me, as if she knew I had come to rescue her. We fell in love pretty much instantly, and there was no way I was taking her back after that first week. She was far from easy, but she was mine, and I was hers.
The Time Audri Bit (Six Times, That Is…)
Audri quickly became very attached to me and was very protective of me. She was instantly territorial of me and my home, which I learned within the first couple weeks of adopting her. A friend came over and when I opened the door, Audri darted out into the hallway and bit her on the back of her leg. And this was no little bite; she drew blood all the way through her jeans. Another time a good friend came into my apartment without knocking, and Audri went straight for his leg and again drew blood. Anytime someone would knock on the door, she would bark incessantly and aggressively. I tried many things to curb her aggressive behavior, from taking her to training classes to crating her when people came over. Eventually I learned that if I would bring her outside on a leash to meet our guests in a neutral territory, she wasn’t as aggressive. Once she got comfortable with the new person, we would walk back home together. She would usually start barking once we got inside, but was not nearly as aggressive as if they had come to the door and knocked or rang the doorbell. Still, she could be unpredictable. There were times people were in the house for a while and she was fine, but if they made a sudden move or got up too quickly, she’d lunge for them and would sometimes bite. At this point I can’t even remember all the people she bit, but I remember it being around six or seven in total. Thankfully after she was about seven or eight years old, she stopped biting, for the most part. She was still always weird about certain things; she would freak out if people hugged or if anyone got near me when I was in bed or in the bathroom, including a couple of my past partners that we lived with for several years. She was also aggressive with other dogs especially when she was on a leash, and it seemed that nothing I did to try to train her made any difference. Those first few years were very stressful because I was always on edge about her biting someone or starting a fight with another dog. Thankfully the people she bit were all friends who were very forgiving and understanding, but I often worried that I would have to put her down one day for biting the wrong person. Even after she stopped biting, anyone who dared to step foot in our home would have to work very hard to win her over. She eventually lightened up as she got older, and when anyone did win her over, she became very affectionate and loving with them, and even seemed to forget I existed. Which I would choose any day over the biting and aggression.
The Time Audri Beheaded a Squirrel
When I was 26 years old and Audri was around four, I got married and moved into a house, and for the first time she had a yard of her own. My ex installed a doggie door on the kitchen door which opened into our backyard. We also had a cat, so when we weren’t home, we would put Audri in the kitchen and close the door to the rest of the house so Antonio (the cat) wouldn’t escape out the doggie door. Audri had free reign to go in and out of the house and would spend a lot of time in the yard. One day I came home from work and parked in the garage. I walked into the kitchen from the garage and on the floor in front of me was the body of a dead squirrel. I screamed bloody murder and Audri just beamed at me with pride. After containing my initial shock and terror, I took a closer look at the squirrel and noticed it was missing its head. We never found the head, and I don’t want to know where it went. Rat terriers were bred to kill small animals, and it was in her blood to kill. Thankfully she was usually leashed, but when we went on walks, she would always go after squirrels, birds, and any other animal that was small and moved quickly. She was certainly good at what she was bred to do, and that little dog was fast.
The Time Audri Moved to Arizona
When I was around 32 years old, I began to feel an intense urge to travel long-term. After a lot of thought, conversation, and research, I decided I wanted to move to Thailand to teach English for a year, possibly longer. My mother who lives in Arizona lost her dog around that time, so she agreed to take Audri while I was gone. Over the following year, I planned my move. I slowly sold everything I owned, cut all my ties in Denver, and said my goodbyes. I hadn’t really thought through the magnitude of my decision and was caught up in the romanticized idea I had created in my mind of my new life overseas. Eventually the day came to leave Denver, and Audri and I set off in a rental car filled with the last few items I owned and drove to Arizona. I stayed at my mom’s house for a month so I could help Audri transition into her new home. That month quickly passed, and my departure day arrived. Audri accompanied me, my mom, my aunt, and my uncle on the drive to the airport. That drive was heart wrenching, as was saying goodbye to Audri. My heart ached with so much guilt for leaving her. I promised her I would return for her, and that she could visit me in my dreams anytime she wanted. And she did. I remember one night when I was in Bali where I spent the first two months of my trip, I dreamed of her, and we were so happy to be reunited. The next day I told my mom about the dream, and she said Audri was perkier than usual that day. Still, she wasn’t herself while I was gone. She was often sad and withdrawn and slept most of her days away. Luckily for her, my trip ended up lasting only three months. I struggled with anxiety and depression due to a difficult breakup, which led me back home to my comforts. But because I had sold everything and spent all my money on the trip, I couldn’t afford to immediately return to Denver. So Audri and I lived in Arizona for the next 10 months.
I’ll never forget the day we were reunited. She was so happy to see me, and we became even closer than before. She didn’t leave my side for weeks. And after we returned to Denver, she decided she hated my mom’s house. We drove back to Arizona a couple times for extended visits during the pandemic, and she was so angry to be there and was a total brat to my mom. When I packed up my car to drive back home, she thought I was going to leave her there again and completely lost it. It’s funny how they remember certain things forever. I still feel guilty for abandoning her and thinking it was okay to just leave her for a year. I know better now, and I will never again leave behind another being I have committed to take care of.
The Time Audri Got Lost
The year Audri and I moved back to Denver, I lost her for a night. We were living in a big house with three other girls, and Audri would sometimes hang out with them and their dogs. I was in my room one night working on my computer and Audri hadn’t been with me for about an hour. The girls were downstairs, so I assumed she was with them. I heard them leave at one point to go get ice cream. A few minutes later it occurred to me that they were gone and Audri wasn’t with me. She wasn’t the type of dog to hang out alone, so I went downstairs and started looking for her. I began to panic when I couldn’t find her. Shortly after, the girls came home, and we all began to search for Audri. A couple of us walked around the neighborhood calling out her name and one of the girls drove around. We lived between two busy streets, and Audri was very unaware of traffic, so my mind went to the worst places. After an hour or two of searching, we decided to give up and try again in the morning.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt utterly heartbroken. I couldn’t believe she was gone. I felt like a complete failure as a dog mom. I peeled myself out of bed and started my search again. I created a flyer to post around the neighborhood and printed out several copies. I called the animal shelters, but they had not seen her, and she wasn’t microchipped. My sister suggested I check Craigslist to see if someone had put up a post about her. I didn’t find any posts but decided to put up a “lost dog” post with her photo. I got into the shower to prepare myself to continue the search, and when I got out, I already had a response to my Craigslist ad. The email was from a woman who had seen my post and had also seen a post on the Facebook marketplace that another couple had posted about a dog they found the night before. She put two and two together and emailed me the Facebook ad with only the words, “is this your dog?” It was Audri!!! I quickly responded to the Facebook ad and learned that the couple were my neighbors that lived almost directly behind me. They came home the night before and found Audri wandering around in the alley alone. She was friendly with them, so they took her in. They also had a dog, who Audri apparently got along with well, and she had a sleepover with her new friends. I pieced everything together and realized Audri had followed me outside that night when I dumped the trash in the alley. I didn’t notice her, so I locked her in the alley when I closed the gate behind me. They must have come home just a few minutes later, thankfully, so she didn’t have the chance to make it to the street.
I walked over to the couple’s house, and Audri and I were reunited, and we were both overjoyed to see each other. I never again let her out of my sight when we were outside, and always put a collar on her with an address/phone tag when I went out of town. I thanked the couple who took her in profusely and offered a reward. They declined, saying that they did it because they would have wanted someone to do the same if their dog had gotten lost. I also offered a reward to the mysterious woman who connected the two ads, but I never heard from her again. This is yet another story of Audri that I love to share that solidifies that she was my spirit dog, and we were divinely connected.
The Time Audri Crossed the Rainbow Bridge
When Audri was 14, she developed a tumor on her lip. I took her to the vet to have it examined, but they weren’t sure if it was malignant. She had to have the rest of her teeth removed anyway, so during the surgery they also removed the tumor so they could biopsy it. A few days later, the vet called and informed me that she had malignant melanoma. She recommended that I take her to an oncologist, which I ultimately decided against. At her age there was no way I was going to put her through cancer treatments. The vet told me that although we removed the tumor, it would likely come back, but dogs can often live a year to a year and a half with this type of cancer. Of course, Audri had to outdo the norm and lived almost another two years. She changed a lot during those last couple years. She was such a typical old lady; she was senile, clumsy, mostly deaf and blind, and had no teeth. She started going to the bathroom in the house often, and cleaning up after her became a daily chore. But she kept her spunk until the end. We went on walks almost daily until she passed, although they eventually became slower and shorter. About a year and a half after her initial diagnosis, the tumor returned. At first it was small, but after about three months it started growing more rapidly. By the time I put her down, it was about the size of a golf ball hanging from her mouth. Despite the tumor, it was hard to tell when it was her time. I struggled with the decision for months. There were times when I resented her for becoming a burden to take care of, and I was exhausted.
About two and a half months before she transitioned, I had a reading with an intuitive healer who tapped into Audri’s energy. She told me she only had three weeks to live. That was when it hit me. This sweet being who had loved me unconditionally for 14 years was about to leave my life forever. I struggled with guilt for resenting her and realized how important it was that I love her and support her on the last leg of her journey. I had consciously chosen to take her on 14 years prior, and I made a commitment. It was my responsibility to see her through to the end of her life, to love her and cherish her, and to help her to be as comfortable as she possibly could. She ended up sticking around for two and a half more months, which were some of the best times we had together. I loved her as fiercely as I possibly could, and we bonded more than ever.
I struggled with knowing when the time was right, and I kept waiting for a sign. I assumed she would stop eating, but she never did. She had a good appetite until the end. But the tumor kept growing and it was constantly oozing puss and blood. She didn’t seem to notice it much, but in those last couple of weeks she couldn’t even shake her head because it had gotten so big. She also had a myriad other health issues. She was very clumsy and hurt herself several times. She started some strange behaviors and often seemed confused. I hoped she would go on her own, but eventually I realized she needed my help. I worried I was projecting due to my exhaustion of being her caretaker, but ultimately realized I wasn’t cutting her life short even though I was choosing when it was time for her to go. I was helping her, and she needed my help.
At the time, I was in my last few weeks of grad school, and my life was busier and more stressful than ever before. I didn’t want to wait until it was an emergency, which would just make it harder for myself and for her, so I decided to schedule her euthanasia for the day before Thanksgiving. It was the only time I would be able to take a couple days off to give myself time to grieve. My sister planned to be with me, and I planned to stay with her for a few days after. The day before Audri’s appointment, my sister contracted COVID. I frantically searched for a friend to be with me the next day, but ultimately decided that since it wasn’t an emergency, I would postpone the appointment for 10 days in hopes that my sister would recover and be able to be with us. I was thankful to have a little more time with Audri, but she deteriorated a lot during those last 10 days. She took a bad fall down the stairs at my apartment building and wasn’t really the same after. Some nights she would cry for no reason, and she would sometimes act anxious and erratic. At night she couldn’t get back up onto the bed if she had gotten down and would cry until I would wake up and help her. A couple nights she managed to wedge herself between my living room chair and the wall and screamed until I rescued her. The night before her rescheduled appointment, I really knew it was time. She was anxious and whiney, and I felt like she was telling me she was ready. Sadly my sister was still very sick, but I knew I couldn’t reschedule again. Thankfully a friend showed up for me to be with us the next day.
That day was one of the worst days of my life. Her appointment was scheduled for 1pm, and the doctor came to our home to do the euthanasia. That morning was hell. I had so much anxiety, and Audri could sense it. I frantically cleaned the house while I waited for 1 o’clock to approach. Audri watched me and was very aware of my anxiety. At one point she started crying and shaking and I had to sit with her for about a half hour before she relaxed. But she barely slept that day, and by that time in her life she slept almost all the time. My friend showed up at 12:30, and Dr. Danielle arrived a little after 1. She was one of the kindest people I have ever met. When she came in, Audri was completely at ease, didn’t bark at her, and seemed almost happy to see her. It was as if she knew she was there to help her. Dr. Danielle fed Audri turkey jerky while she explained the process to me. She then told me I could feed Audri anything she wanted while she prepared the medicine. I brought her peanut butter and let her lick it off my fingers until she fell asleep. While she was in dreamland before the final injection, I read her my sister’s and mom’s goodbye notes they had sent earlier that day. And then the time came for the final injection. I showered her with love and kisses, just like she did to me the day we met. I told her that it was not goodbye, that she could visit me in my dreams whenever she wanted, and that she could now come with me wherever I went. And then, she left. When Dr. Danielle told me she had transitioned, I lost it. After I gathered myself together, I spent a bit more time with her body. And then we wrapped her up and I carried her in a little basket to Dr. Danielle’s car. I gave her one last kiss, and that’s when I really knew it wasn’t her anymore. It was just a body, and Audri was gone.
I feel so grateful that we were led to each other and that Audri chose me. I will never forget what a sweet, loyal, and loving friend and companion she was to me. She was there with me for so many big events in my life, and quite frankly I’m not sure I would be here today if I didn’t have her to wake up to and take care of each day. I gave her the best life I possibly could give her, and I know one day we will be reunited again.
