I keep getting reminders on Facebook of my trip to India last summer, which means it’s just a couple weeks away from the one-year anniversary of my return to Denver. I have been back home for as long as I was gone – yet my time away felt like an eternity compared to the time I’ve been back. Time is a funny thing. It can seemingly move so slowly it almost stops altogether when we are in a place of discomfort or resistance, forcing us to truly feel and experience each moment…yet it seems to slip right by us when we are happily doing what we love.
My reintegration back into Denver life has been a whirlwind of new connections and opportunities, personal and spiritual growth, and some of the highest of highs and a few of lowest of lows. Life has picked up a fast pace I haven’t stopped going since I’ve been back. I remember thinking while I was in Arizona that I really had to soak in the slower pace of life while I could because as soon as I returned to Denver, I knew I would get swallowed right back up into the fast-paced city life. While that definitely has happened, I am finally starting to get to a place where I am feeling grounded and somewhat balanced.
I’ve had the pleasure of reuniting with many beautiful souls from the yoga communities where I used to teach and have now returned to – both students as well as other teachers. And I’ve made a lot of new connections within these communities as well. I have never before felt so loved by so many incredible people and I every time I walk into these communities, I leave feeling held, loved and lifted up. It has been constant reassurance that I made the right decision. I am home. This is my tribe. This is where I belong.
As much as I love teaching yoga, I have learned from my past experiences that being a full-time teacher is too energetically draining and financially unstable for me to maintain on a long-term basis. For the first nine months of my return to Denver, I worked part-time as a budtender. It was a lot of fun, but sadly the company I was working for (and many others in the industry) was pretty corrupt and there were unethical and illegal things going on that I ultimately could no longer be a part of. Leaving yet another job helped me to realize that I am craving some stability in career and in finance, which has led me back to the world of accounting. I have worked in the accounting field on and off for the past 8+ years and I have developed a skill that is always going to be in demand and can lead to very good money. I may as well utilize it. And so I found a part-time bookkeeping job that I can do from home, is flexible around my yoga lifestyle, and the pay is stable and solid enough to allow me to continue to teach yoga. It’s not something I would want to go back to full-time either, but I am finding that the balance between teaching yoga and part-time bookkeeping actually really works for me. They are both very different and I sometimes feel as if I am living dual lives, but I am actually really enjoying the constant shift back and forth between the two. I’m even looking into returning to school to get my master’s degree in accounting.
Returning home to my life in Denver has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. Which is interesting considering that not long ago I was afraid that returning home would make me a failure. I have realized that I didn’t fail at all. I needed to have this experience exactly as it has unfolded, and still is unfolding. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the painful.
Although city life has swallowed me back up, this is the first time in my entire 35 years that I have made my relationship with myself my number one priority. I have had a partner throughout most of my adult life who I have devoted a good portion of my energy and time to. It feels really good to focus my love and energy on myself, as well as this amazing community that continues to build around me. My daily life is sometimes hard even for me to keep up with because I have so much going on, but I have to admit it is quite nice at the end of the day to just have myself and my own needs and happiness to tend to. This isn’t what I want forever, but for the time being it feels pretty damn good.
