France ~ 2023

By | France ~ 2023

Cannes

My first visit to Europe was a 2-week vacation with my ex-husband 14 years ago. We spent a week in Italy and a week in Spain, and it was my first time ever leaving the country. I learned a lot on that trip, and I’d thought about returning many times, but hadn’t mainly because of the cost. It is more expensive to fly to Europe, and the cost of everything in Europe is higher than many of the countries I have visited. I tend to gravitate toward second or third world countries firstly for the cultural experience, and secondly because of the low cost of living. This is especially true the past couple of years since I have been doing extended visits. I still maintain my expenses at home while I am away – rent, car insurance, cell phone, etc., so I do my best to mitigate the cost of flights and accommodations by lowering my other costs – primarily food and other groceries.

However, in 2023 an opportunity came along for me to visit Cannes, France that I couldn’t pass up. While I was at Preksha Yoga Ashram in India earlier that year, I met a French woman named Mona, who spent a couple months at the ashram during the three months I was there. We grew close quickly because we spent so much time together every day. We shared a lot of laughs and had some long conversations about some of the challenges I was experiencing at the time. There were a few red flags about her though – which will come up later in the story – that I wish I had listened to better. Mona was in her mid 70’s when I met her, and she was a retired O.R. nurse who had lived most of her life in New York City, working in a hospital that served many high profile and even famous people. She was sassy and a bit pretentious, but most of the time I enjoyed being around her because she made me laugh. Often, though, she was making jokes at the expense of others. There were times that she mocked and made fun of the Indian yoga teachers while we were eating lunch in the same room that they were. I also witnessed her aggressively attack Bhavna, my favorite meditation teacher, during a workshop we attended together. These things bothered me, but I did my best to ignore them and not engage.

Mona celebrated my 40th birthday with me and a few others. When we were walking back to the ashram after my birthday dinner one night, I mentioned that I was in need of a “real” vacation, not a working vacation like I was on there. She told me I was welcome to stay in her apartment in Cannes the next time she was traveling – she travels during the winter like I do. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but kept it in the back of my mind.

I heard from Mona during the summer after we left the ashram, and she said that her apartment would be available in November and December while she was in New York visiting her son. My original plan was to go to Guatemala to study Spanish that fall, and I had booked my flight after returning from India. But after putting some thought into it, I decided I would be silly to pass up an opportunity like this. Having a place to stay in the south of France would mitigate some of the higher costs that have kept me from spending more time in Europe in the past, and it would be nice to have a bit of a more comfortable getaway in a western culture after my past couple trips. I rebooked my trip to Guatemala to the following Spring, and made arrangements with Mona to stay at her place for the month of November and the first half of December. She requested that I reimburse her for utilities and her house cleaner, which she estimated to be around $300 per month. This was still less than I would pay to rent a place even in a cheaper country, so it still felt doable financially. Also, a couple of my close friends from Denver decided to come visit me while I was there, and agreed to help pitch in for part of the cost of the utilities.

October was one of the most stressful months of my life. I sold my book of clients and had to facilitate transitioning them to the new company and training the new staff on top of my normal workload. I was also struggling with some health problems, which the stress only made worse. So, by the time November rolled around I was more than ready to go. When I arrived in Cannes, my health issued were at their worst. I had been experiencing stress related “flare ups” of severe fatigue, bone pain in my entire body, and flu-like symptoms. My doctor ruled out some of the more obvious conditions with blood tests and eventually suggested that I could have fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia isn’t exactly treatable; the symptoms are just managed through life changes to decrease stress and increase self-care. Unfortunately, the stress of the flight on my body along with the jetlag sent me into more pain and fatigue. But I was hopeful that between reducing my workload and increasing rest and self-care, I would be able to get myself back on track during my time in Cannes.

Mona was at her apartment when I arrived in France; we had intentionally booked our trips to overlap for a couple days so she could show me the ropes before she left. I learned a few basic French phrases before arriving in Cannes, but that was the extent of my ability to communicate in French. Mona assured me that “everyone” in Cannes spoke English. She was quite hospitable those first couple days, and I enjoyed our time together. We walked around the city, she showed me the boardwalk and the market, and we enjoyed a delicious lunch of oysters and soup at her favorite seafood restaurant. She made a list of people I could contact if I needed help with anything. By the time she left, I felt comfortable and settled in.

There ended up being a few hurdles though. My Mexican ex-girlfriend and I had reconnected again a couple weeks before I left Denver. One thing led to another, and I invited her to come visit me in France. To my surprise, she actually came. We hadn’t seen each other in a year. We texted here and there but I was dating other people and doing my best to heal and move on. But we both still had unresolved feelings, so we decided to give it one more try. Sadly, it ended up being the last. The situation was filled with complexities and obstacles that led to a couple of explosive fights that ended our relationship for the last time. It was an extremely painful experience, but it ultimately allowed me to finally let her go and move on.

The second hurdle was Mona. Without going into too much detail, I’ll just say that she turned on me and I decided to leave her apartment after two weeks. I considered returning home especially after my experience with Yajaira, but my friends who were coming to visit talked me into staying. I found an Airbnb in the same neighborhood for a good price, and booked it for the remaining month.

I felt a lot of relief after leaving Mona’s. It was a tough lesson to learn, but I will never again get myself into a situation like that with someone I don’t know well. Despite the detour though, I decided to make the best of the rest of my time in Cannes. By the time I moved into the Airbnb, I only had a few days before my first visitor arrived. I spent my days walking around and exploring Cannes as much as my energy allowed. I bought a pass at a local health club so I could swim laps. I tried out a few restaurants and went to the local market and bought fresh food to eat at home. I began to pull myself out of my burnout/jetlag/heartbreak funk and started to slowly feel better. I was far from 100%, but the intention of the trip was to rest and heal. My work had dwindled down to just a handful of hours per week, which allowed the rest of my time to rest. It was such a gift to have the space and permission in my life to do less. I have spent so much of my life on the go, which is what got me into this debacle to begin with.

The food in Cannes is clean and fresh, which is something I’ve heard about Europe in general. They don’t use pesticides or eat processed food like we do in the US and other countries, so the food is naturally organic. I haven’t eaten dairy for seven years, but I did eat dairy while I was in France. The quality is better, and I my body could tell. The market was one of my favorite parts of Cannes. Not only could I buy fresh, organic fruits, vegetables, bread, meat, cheese, etc., but there were also many vendors who sell freshly prepared foods to carry out and eat at home. The cuisines ranged from French to Italian to Mediterranean. The food is also cheaper than in the US, which was surprising considering I was in Cannes. Cannes is known best for the annual film festival that has been held there for many years which attracts a lot of celebrities not only during the festival but throughout the year. Beautiful palaces and designer shops line the Mediterranean Sea. Cannes is said to be the best place in France to shop – and visitors come from all over the country and other parts of Europe to shop in stores such as Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Armani, and Prada. Cannes isn’t exactly known for authentic French food since it is a tourist destination, but nonetheless nearly every restaurant I dined in was excellent. There are a lot of Italian restaurants and a substantial Italian population since Cannes is only a couple hours from the border of Italy. I ate some of the best pizza of my life during that trip. The cheese from the market was also to die for.

I’m not much of a shopper, and I don’t generally try to visit places that attract a lot of tourists. Thankfully I was there during the off season, so it wasn’t overrun with tourists. I did get to experience the Christmas markets. Wooden structures are set up in the main square of Cannes where vendors come to sell local goods from jewelry, clothing and accessories, Christmas trinkets, and sweets. Food and drinks are also being sold and the entire town is decorated with Christmas decorations. It was quite beautiful, and the weather was not nearly as cold as what I’m accustomed to in Denver. In fact, it got warmer in December than it had been in November, which was a nice surprise. Outside of shopping and dining, there’s not much else to do other than walk the boardwalk and/or sit by the ocean. The views are beautiful but during that time of year the water was a bit too cold for swimming. But since the intention of my time there was to rest and heal, it was a perfect place to be. It was also a nice change of pace to visit a western country with all the conveniences of home. The language barrier was sometimes an inconvenience, but most people do speak at least some English because of the tourism. Having visitors was also a nice change of pace. I generally travel solo, which can get lonely at times. It also pushed me to get out and see a few things outside of Cannes.

Sainte-Marguerite Island

During Christy’s visit (my first visitor from Denver), we decided to take a day trip to Sainte-Marguerite Island, one of the two Lérins Islands that are located just a 15-minute ferry ride from Cannes. Unfortunately, it was a particularly windy day, which made for an uncomfortable visit. The temperature on the island was about 10 degrees cooler than in Cannes, so it was in the low 40’s with high winds that day. We walked around for about an hour and visited a museum which consisted of ruins of a fort and a cathedral. The islands are home to preserves of natural flora and fauna. The views were beautiful, but it would have been a more enjoyable experience during the warmer summer months. We weren’t able to find any open restaurants or cafés to escape the elements since we were there during the off season, so we made our way back to Cannes on the next ferry.

Nice

I took two day trips to Nice, once with each of my visitors. Nice is about a 30-minute train ride from Cannes. The train system is a bit confusing because everything is in French, and the trains and stations can become very crowded during the morning and evening rush hours since it is many people’s way of commuting to and from work and school. I really enjoyed the vibe and architecture of Nice. It’s a much larger city than Cannes, so there’s a lot more to do but it didn’t feel crowded or overwhelming like some cities can. There’s a more diverse and authentic selection of restaurants, and everything we ate was delicious. There is a cute historic “old town” area which has more of the European architecture I was expecting, that is filled with quaint little shops and restaurants. The coast of Nice is very beautiful; the water is turquoise blue. In hindsight I wish I had split my time in the French Riviera between Cannes and Nice.

Eze Village

Reagan (my second visitor from Denver), and I took a day trip to Eze Village, which is about a 45-minute train ride from Cannes. Eze Village is a super special little gem in the French Riviera. The village dates to the Middle Ages. The train drops you off at the base of the mountain, where you can then catch a bus the rest of the way up the windy mountain roads to the village. The tiny village is made up of a few restaurants and shops built into the side of the mountain, which are connected by a network of cobblestone steps. Once you reach the top of the mountain, there is a beautiful succulent garden with breathtaking views of the Mediterranean Sea, the mountain, and the surrounding areas. After we spent some time at the top taking in the views and serenity, we climbed back down and visited the Fragonard Perfume factory for a free tour. Eze is a sweet, peaceful little escape from the hustle and bustle of Cannes or Nice, and I’d highly recommend a visit if you find yourself in the French Riviera.

Antibes

Reagan and I also took a day trip to Antibes, a small city that is a 20-minute train ride from Cannes. Antibes is like Cannes’ more down-to-Earth sister city. The architecture and vibe felt similar, but it seemed like more of a place to live than a destination to visit. The city isn’t filled with designer shops or touristy restaurants. There is a cute old town area which we walked through, but the main attraction for us was the Pablo Picasso Museum. The museum was once a home to Picasso, and it was fun and interesting to explore his art and life portrayed throughout the museum.

India 2023 ~ Chapter 1

By | India ~ 2023

Toward the end 2022 while I was in Progreso, Mexico, I realized that I had become quite disconnected from my spiritual practices since the pandemic hit in early 2020. I had abruptly stopped teaching yoga, which for six years had been a grounding force that kept me rooted in my yoga and meditation practices. I started grad school a few months later and completed my master’s program within a year and a half, attending classes through the summers without a break. A year after starting school I started an accounting business, which grew more rapidly than I could have ever imagined. I wrestled constantly with trying to find balance between my work and school responsibilities and my life outside of work. In the midst of finals during my last semester, I had to put my 16-year-old dog to sleep. Immediately after that, I headed to Mexico for four months and had an intense love affair with a married woman that ultimately ended in heartbreak. As soon as it ended, I jumped into another relationship which started strong, but experienced some turbulence during my two-month trip back to Mexico that fall. While I was back in Mexico, my Mexican ex-girlfriend re-entered my life and exited again just as quickly. It was a challenging couple of years to say the least.

I knew I needed to get back on track with my spiritual practices. India popped into my mind. India is the epitome of spirituality, and the idea of hunkering down in an ashram meditating and doing yoga for a couple of months sounded like just what I needed. When I commit to something, I am all in, and sometimes the most drastic approach is also the most direct and effective approach for me. It can also be easier to dive into something when you are away from your day-to-day responsibilities and commitments at home. I started to research where I wanted to go and initially thought about going back to Rishikesh. The only drawbacks were that I had already been there twice, and that it would also be winter during the time I was hoping to escape from the winter weather in Denver. It doesn’t get as cold in India as it does in Denver, but like Mexico, there is no central heat or even space heaters in the ashrams in India. I experienced this during my first visit and wasn’t excited about the idea of having to sleep in a sleeping bag in my bed again to stay warm at night. So, I started to research ashrams in Goa and Kerala, two states in southern India that are not only warm during the beginning of the year but are also located along the Arabian Sea.

I struggled to find an ashram in any of the locations I searched whose schedule would allow time for me to work. Many ashrams in India are quite strict and expect the guests to attend all daily offerings which generally begin with early morning yoga and meditation and end with yoga classes and kirtan ceremonies, with philosophy classes and karma yoga duties in between. There are small pockets of time carved into the schedules for breaks, but not enough time for me to keep up with my work. Many ashrams don’t even offer WiFi to encourage participants to unplug during their stay. All of this sounded wonderful, but unfortunately not practical for me as a business owner with 20+ clients.

I decided to do one final search and then potentially give up and pivot in another direction. That search yielded an ashram in Mandrem, Goa, called Preksha Yoga Ashram. I perused the schedule and saw plenty of space in between classes that would allow time for work. I contacted the ashram owner, and he was responsive and accommodating. He explained that the ashram schedule was flexible and that the guests were permitted to participate as much or as little as they wanted. They welcomed digital nomads and provided WiFi on the premises. They offered private rooms and cabins with private bathrooms, which is a rarity in most ashrams. They also had an ayurvedic doctor onsite with offerings of ayurvedic massages and detox treatments. And perhaps the best part – the ashram was located just a 15-minute walk from the beach, and they offered a weekly beach yoga class. After a few more conversations, I took the leap and reserved a cabin for three months. I was slightly hesitant because I had learned from prior experiences that you don’t really know what you are getting into until you arrive – a website can only go so far in depicting the truth, especially in another country. But for some reason I trusted this place, and I trusted Nitesh, the ashram owner I had been corresponding with.

When I returned to Mexico during the fall of 2022, Beth, my ex-girlfriend, and I had broken up a week into my trip, a result of a rash decision during an argument. When I returned to Denver, I had to go to her house to pick up my car. We didn’t see each other, but I left her a seashell where she had left my car keys. That sparked a conversation between us, and we ended up back together a couple days later. Distance can distort things, and once we were back in each other’s physical presence, we realized our breakup was irrational and we still had feelings for each other. By that point I had already booked my trip to India, which made me feel concern for our relationship. It was still new, and we had already proven that we struggled with long distance communication. We had a lot of conversations during the two months that I was back home, both about our relationship and about my lifestyle. Traveling for months at a time does not make dating easy. Two or three months at a time may not sound like a lot, but it can be challenging to find a good stride when you are thousands of miles apart day after day. It can be difficult to communicate effectively over the phone, especially during conflicts. Drastically different time zones don’t help, and India and Denver have a 12 ½ hour time difference. And, our relationship was still new and delicate.

A couple days before I left for India, I had an anxiety attack. I was terrified that Beth and I would break up while I was there, and the trauma from my past experiences with this began to resurface. There’s something about being in a different part of the world, already outside of your comfort zone and away from your community and comforts, that magnifies difficult emotional experiences. After my Thailand trip, I struggled with anxiety and loneliness during the next couple solo trips I took, and those traumas still sometimes sneak up to haunt me when I travel alone. I asked Beth to promise me that she wouldn’t break up with me while I was in India, no matter how difficult things got. I couldn’t go through that again. She assured me that she wouldn’t.

Preksha Yoga Ashram

After a long journey first to Frankfurt, then to Mumbai, and finally to Goa, I arrived at Preksha Yoga Ashram around 7am local time. I had been traveling for more than 24 hours and I was exhausted. I’m never very successful at sleeping on airplanes, so long flights are always difficult for me. After I was shown to my cabin, I made a quick call to check in with Beth, and then crashed for four hours solid. I awoke around noon for lunch, and Siddhesh, the operations manager, showed me around the ashram grounds. It was absolutely gorgeous. It was lush and green, full of tropical vegetation, beautiful flowers, and wildlife. The cabins were simple, but quite nice for India’s standards. My cabin was spacious and had enough room for a large bed (two single beds pushed together), a wardrobe, and a table where I could work. I had a large private bathroom with a western style toilet and a shower with hot water. The climate was warm and humid (in the 80’s most days and 60’s at night). Classes were held in a large outdoor yoga shala, and an open-air cafeteria where community meals were served. The food was incredible. The chef, Ashish, greeted us and served our meals while happily chatting with us. We were served vegetarian south Indian dishes that were healthy, fresh, and tasty. Lots of beans and legumes with flavorful curry sauces, lentils, kitchari, soya, cooked and raw vegetables, soups, rice, and chapati, an unleavened wheat flour flatbread that is commonly eaten throughout India. We could eat as much as we wanted, and I often overate because the food was so delicious. I could eat that kind of food every day and never get sick of it.

The ashram schedule was built to resemble a retreat-like experience. The morning yoga class began at 7am and was a Hatha style class which included deep stretches and long holds in poses. The sequences were fairly basic and beginner friendly because people of all levels attended the ashram. The sequences repeated each week and would start out gentler at the beginning of the week and would gradually get more challenging. We practiced different styles of pranayama for the last 15 minutes of the morning class. After class, we had breakfast, and then a long break until lunch. After lunch there was a yoga philosophy class with Bhavna, an incredible teacher who I bonded with during my time at the ashram. I rarely attended the philosophy classes because of work, but they repeated the same content each week, so I didn’t miss much. There was an afternoon yoga class before dinner, which was longer and generally a bit stronger than the morning class and didn’t include pranayama. After dinner, we finished the day with meditation led by Bhavna. We explored several different types of meditation including various breathing exercises, walking meditation, and yoga nidra. I sometimes had to miss the evening meditation to do work calls since evenings in India were mornings in Denver, but I did my best to attend as many yoga and meditation classes as I could fit in, along with evening walks to the beach and dips in the Arabian Sea before dinner. We had Sundays free, and I generally spent that time on the beach. The only drawback of the beach were the locals who would walk along the beach selling clothing, jewelry, mala bracelets and necklaces, and other trinkets. They were often pushy and aggressive, which got old after spending months there. I made the mistake of buying a few things during my first week in Mandrem and couldn’t shake them loose for the rest of my trip.

Thursdays were a special day. We started the day with a sunrise yoga class on the beach. Getting up at 5:30am was never easy, but always worth it. Mandrem beach is large and spacious. The restaurants and hotels along the beach are far from the sea during that time of year because the water moves farther inward during the monsoon season, so the beach spanned a long distance. The sand was more of a red clay that is firm when wet. Thursday evenings we had a “special dinner,” and we were served richer, more traditional Goan style foods on a banana leaf. Some of the dishes included paneer masala, chickpea masala, grilled skewered vegetables, papadum, pakora, and a lentil or rice-based custard dessert. Special dinners were followed by community kirtan instead of meditation. We would sing and chant together, and often different travelers with singing or musical talents would lead the group.

Travelers from all over the world came and went during my three months. Many were from Europe – Germany, England, France, Italy, Sweden. Others were from different parts of the world – Australia, Israel, Estonia, Central and South America, Mexico, Canada, and other parts of India. Most would stay for a week or two, a few would stay for a month, and a handful stayed for a couple months. I stayed the longest. I bonded quickly with a couple of the other long termers. We spent day after day together, practicing yoga and meditation, and eating every meal together. It was like suddenly having a bunch of roommates. Most days it was fun to have so many people around me, but some days were difficult. I never had the option to have an off day and be alone, and it was sometimes difficult to always be “on” and feel pressured to socialize. I struggled with my work responsibilities, while most of the other travelers were on holiday or long trips that didn’t include work. I felt envious of them and resentful that I had to work so much and miss out on getting the fullest benefit of my experience there.

During the first couple weeks of my trip, I experienced a lot of challenges with internet and power outages. I almost ended my trip early because the connectivity issues were making it nearly impossible to keep up with my workload and effectively run my business. But Siddhesh went above and beyond to make sure that my stay was comfortable, and ended up installing a private WiFi line outside of my cabin, as well as a battery powered backup electrical socket inside my cabin. It wasn’t a perfect solution and there were still outages, but it mitigated the majority of the issues, and I was able to work again.

But even after the internet and power outage issues were resolved, I continued to struggle with my work. I was overwhelmed with my workload and could barely fit it all in between yoga and meditation classes. The stress felt defeating especially since I had come there to get my spiritual practices back on track. I had a part-time contractor who had been working with me for about eight months, but she was creating more stress for me than she was alleviating. I ended up letting her go at the end of February and hired an old coworker, who started working with me in March. I spent the entire month of March recording training videos to get her up to speed. By April she was able to take a good amount of my work off my plate, which relieved a lot of my stress. But it was during that time that I began to realize that my work was making me very unhappy.

It wasn’t just the workload; it was the nature of the work itself. It is thankless, deadline-driven, stressful at times and mundane at others. Working with so many clients in different industries with different personalities was an added challenge. Some were responsive and easy to work with, but the majority merely saw us as a cost center and didn’t value or prioritize the work we did. We couldn’t do our job successfully without their consistent communication, and we were regularly running into roadblocks because of unresponsive clients. My master’s degree and years of experience had elevated my skills beyond bookkeeping, and I was ready to advance to higher level work. But I was working primarily with small startups and sole proprietors who either didn’t have the need or the funds for the work I wanted to do. This was a tough realization to come to. I had spent tens of thousands of dollars on my education, and countless hours building my business. By this point in my career, I had more than a decade of experience. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pivot into something more fulfilling and still be able to make the same kind of money, without having to start over completely.

In March I participated in a 15-hour stress workshop with Bhavna. It was a weekend intensive that was intended to train us to understand and manage stress using the tools of yoga and meditation. The workshop started out with three participants including me, but the other two dropped out after the first day, so I ended up getting a one-on-one experience. This allowed me the space to open up more and utilize Bhavna’s training and expertise in counseling, trauma, and meditation. We did several hours of private yoga nidra sessions, journaling exercises, and had discussions where she offered helpful suggestions and motivation to help me through my personal and work struggles. She created a custom routine for me to implement when I returned home which included daily meditation and pranayama practices, dietary changes, and fulfilling hobbies to break up the monotony of work. That workshop made a huge difference for me and started to give me hope that I could find balance in my life again.

The distance, time difference, and my work stress put a significant strain on my relationship with Beth. Six weeks in she tried to break up with me, despite her promise that she wouldn’t. I was able to talk her into waiting until I returned home so we could talk things through in person, but that moment changed our relationship. I didn’t feel that I could open up to her anymore about my struggles. I did my best to put on a happy face for her for the rest of my trip, but I was silently struggling and didn’t feel I had a supportive partner to turn to.

Mandrem

Mandrem is a small coastal village located in North Goa. Mandrem and the surrounding villages attract many tourists during the high season, between October and March. The rest of the year is considered the off-season because of the harsh weather conditions. April gets very hot and humid as the monsoon season approaches. The monsoons begin in mid to late May and last until September, which bring heavy rains and intense heat and humidity, with the majority of the rainfall in July and August. I wasn’t aware of this when I booked my stay through the end of April, but thankfully I like the heat. However, many of the shops and restaurants began to close down for the season around the middle of April.

Indians who live in states throughout the country come to Mandrem and other parts of Goa during the high season to sell jewelry, clothing, handmade goods, and/or run shops or restaurants. Goa is one of the states that attracts the most tourism, which provides opportunities for Indians to make enough of a living to sustain them through the off-season. I had several conversations with the ladies who walked the beaches daily selling jewelry and clothing they had made. They shared with me about the challenges of depending on tourism, especially during the pandemic while tourism was shut down in India for more than two years. Unfortunately, they weren’t just befriending me to chat, there was always an expectation for me to buy something. While I had compassion for them, I couldn’t keep buying from them for three months, and they would sometimes leave the conversation angry. It felt frustrating to be treated like a checkbook, but I also tried to understand things from their perspective. I could never relate to a life that difficult, never knowing whether you were going to make enough money to feed your family.

Along Mandrem beach, there are restaurants and resorts with beautiful views of the ocean. Although I ate most of my meals at the Ashram, I sometimes ate meals and/or worked from restaurants and had some very delicious traditional Indian foods. There are also some shops, but the best place to shop in the area is in the next town over called Arambol. Arambol is within walking distance from Mandrem, and I visited the village several times during my stay, both for shopping and beach days, as well as for a tantric love workshop that a few of my ashram friends and I participated in.

I had my 40th birthday while I was in Mandrem. Two other ladies and I hired a driver and did a tour of south Goa that day. We visited a couple cathedrals, a Hindu temple, and a couple beaches. When I returned to the ashram, there was a “happy birthday” sign and a dozen roses in my cabin. They also bought me a birthday cake which was a rare delicacy at the ashram, and everyone sang to me before enjoying the sweet treat.

Mandrem was somewhat peaceful compared to some of the other places in India that I have visited and heard about. But it’s still India. They drive like maniacs, it’s noisy and polluted, and stray animals and poverty are rampant. But Mandrem is unique in the sense that it is primarily a seasonal destination, so it seemed a bit cleaner and more orderly. There are also liquor stores and bars in Goa, which is uncommon in other parts of India. The reason for this is because there is a large population of Russians in Goa. Around 50 years ago, a large number of Russians moved into south India and took over things for a while. They overpowered and corrupted the Indian police and forced many natives out of their homes and businesses. Over the years, the Indians have regained some of their power and somewhat equalized things, but there are still many Russians who live in south India either permanently or seasonally. Despite the chaos though, Preksha Yoga Ashram provided me with a safe and quiet place to retreat (most of the time).

India 2023 ~ Chapter 2

By | India ~ 2023

Panchakarma

During my stay at Preksha Yoga, I decided to do a consultation with the Ayurvedic doctor who worked on the premises. She did a comprehensive analysis of my doshas to give me an understanding of what was out of balance in my body. Her recommendation was that I do a personalized version of Panchakarma. Panchakarma is an intense Ayurvedic detoxification process made up of five parts: vamana (purging by vomiting induced by ayurvedic medication), virechana (purging induced by herbal laxatives), basti (ayurvedic enema treatments), nasya (cleansing of the nasal passages), and raktamokshan (therapeutic bloodletting using leeches). The treatment plan the doctor prepared for me included an 8-day vamana treatment (which included several days of nasya), followed by a 10-day basti treatment, with a couple days of rest in between, for a total of 20 days. She had originally recommended raktamokshan as well, but luckily for me the leeches were out of stock. The reason she recommended such an aggressive treatment plan was because I’ve suffered from eczema throughout most of my adult life, which according to her is a sign of toxicity in the body. At the time my eczema was dormant, but it is an ongoing condition that is not technically curable.

After a lot of thought and research, I decided to move forward with the treatment in April, after my workload was reduced with the help of my new contractor. Although it seemed like an aggressive and uncomfortable process, this was a rare opportunity to receive this sort of treatment with the guidance of an ayurvedic doctor, have all my meals prepared for me, and receive daily massage and steam treatments at a price I could afford. I ended up paying around $1,000 for the treatment, but would have paid upwards of $5,000 for something like this in the US and would have to do the meal prep on my own. I had no idea how difficult it would be – which I was for the best because had I known, I probably never would have gone through with it.

The vamana treatment was first. For the first seven days, the body is prepared for the vamana procedure (the “detox day”) on the eighth day. The first part of the preparation is done through consuming medicated ghee (clarified butter) first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. The ghee is intended to begin to lubricate the body internally, and the ayurvedic medication causes the body to release toxins into the belly. The ghee starts out at 30ml on the first day and is slowly increased to 150ml on the final day. This is A LOT of ghee. The first couple days weren’t too bad, I was able to plug my nose and throw it back fairly easily. I was given fresh ginger and limes to chase it. The flavor isn’t pleasant – not only because I was drinking straight clarified butter but because of the medication in it. By the fourth or fifth day, my gag reflex started kicking in from the increased amounts of ghee. The final day, I wasn’t able to get it all down. Every time I brought the cup to my lips I would gag. I tried multiple times, but after almost vomiting, I decided my body was giving me a clear message that it had had enough.

Those first seven days were extremely uncomfortable, not only because of drinking the ghee, but because of the effects it had on my body. The detoxification process was intense. I experienced intense nausea after drinking the ghee for the first couple of days as my body began to detoxify. The doctor recommended that I take a walk on the beach after drinking the ghee each morning to help it settle, which did help and was also a nice distraction. Some days I experienced intense fatigue and body aches. Other days weren’t quite as bad, but I still needed a lot of rest and could only manage to work 3-4 hours per day. My diet was also modified. In the mornings, I ate fresh fruit (usually papaya) and porridge topped with ghee. Lunches and dinners consisted of some variation of kitchari or lentils and rice (topped with ghee), a vegetable soup (with more ghee), and some sort of cooked vegetable. I couldn’t have raw vegetables, sugar, or dairy (except ghee). I was instructed to drink only warm liquids to further encourage the cleansing process, so I drank ginger tea for the first half of the day and hot lemon water for the rest of the day, which was a doozy in the 90-degree and high humidity climate. The food was tasty but quickly got boring since there wasn’t much variety from day to day. The best part of the treatment was the daily ayurvedic massage treatments. I received a variety of different types of massage each morning, all which included a lot of oil, followed by a steam bath. I was being lubricated from the inside out.

The eighth day, my detox day arrived, and I began to experience anxiety. I had read about other people’s experiences, and it sounded awful. But I had come too far to back out by that point, so I made my way to the treatment room first thing that morning. I received my daily massage and steam bath treatment but did not eat breakfast that morning. After my massage, the two massage therapists who assisted the treatment, began to set things up. I sat in a chair and a large laundry basket with a trash bag was placed inside was placed in front of me, to catch my vomit. That was the point where I began to cry. I didn’t know what possessed me to do something like this to myself. Anitha, my massage therapist, comforted me and assured me that it was just part of the treatment.

The doctor arrived and the procedure officially started. The procedure begins with consuming a large amount of warm milk, to coat the stomach. I don’t remember the exact amount, but it was around six large glasses. I hadn’t drunk milk in around seven years, and I was only able to get about five glasses down before I started to vomit. The vomiting was not supposed to start at that point, so the doctor didn’t make me finish the milk. I then had to sit for about 20 minutes with the warm milk in my belly. I was nauseated and uncomfortable. The doctor then prepared a glass of brown liquid with the ayurvedic herbs to induce vomiting. The length of time of vomiting varies by person, but can last between 20 minutes to an hour. I was one of the lucky ones who got to experience the full hour.

The glasses of warm milk were replaced by a giant container filled with lukewarm herbal tea, along with several glasses. Harry, the other assistant, began filling the glasses with tea after I drank the medicated drink from the doctor. It wasn’t long before the vomiting started, and as soon as it did, the doctor instructed Harry to start giving me glasses of tea. She told me to chug the tea. I did my best to drink the tea as quickly as I could, but struggled to get it down because I was extremely nauseated and as soon as I would drink it, it would come back up. The reason my procedure ended up lasting for so long was because apparently, I was not drinking the tea quickly enough to get a deep enough movement to release all the toxins from deep inside my gut. Eventually that came, but it took about 30 minutes for me to get there. I have never thrown up so violently in my life. My body completely emptied itself. Afterward, I felt a huge feeling of relief and even laughed. Until the doctor told me she wanted me to do it again. I looked at her in horror. I felt like I was being tortured. I had already vomited probably 50+ times in that 30-minute time frame, and she wanted me to do it again?!

I tried my best but wasn’t able to get that violent projection a second time. I couldn’t drink the tea fast enough and it just kept accumulating in my belly until it was bulging out like I was pregnant. I eventually reached a point where I couldn’t even vomit anymore, my body just shut down. The doctor gave me more medicine, warm salt water, and I even tried sticking my fingers down my throat, but nothing happened. I was completely drained by that point, still nauseous, and uncomfortable from the bloating of my belly. I could barely hold my head up and was moaning repeatedly in discomfort. By this point, it was about an hour and a half after I started consuming the warm milk. Finally, the doctor said I could stop. She laid me down on a massage table where I rested for about 10 minutes. She told me she would give me virechana herbs to help me pass the remainder of the tea and toxins through the other end. I was then escorted back to my room by Anitha, who I had to hold onto for support. I laid down on my bed and immediately began to cry. I couldn’t believe what I had just been through. The entire experience was traumatic and torturous, and I felt like I had failed because I couldn’t throw up “hard” enough. Anitha massaged my legs and sat with me while I cried. After I stopped crying, she gave me a hot water bottle to rest on my belly and left me to rest.

I was instructed not to sleep so I laid on my bed slowly regaining my strength, and processing what I had just been through. About an hour later Anitha returned with warm rice water for me to drink, along with the virechana medication. The virechana process was almost just as bad as the vamana, except that it lasted longer. I had to keep running to the toilet with violent diarrhea and was doubled over for hours with severe abdominal cramping. It was about four hours before the effects subsided, and I was finally able to relax. That night I was only allowed to eat plain white rice in rice water with a small amount of salt. The next day I felt weak but better. It took a couple days to regain my strength, but I was surprised that I didn’t feel worse. I think the lubrication prep along with the constant consumption of liquids during the detox procedure, helped my body to survive the experience without damage.

The worst was behind me by that point, and the following two weeks were a breeze comparatively. I no longer had to drink ghee in the mornings for the basti treatment, but still was on the modified diet and received the daily massage and steam bath treatments. After the massages, I received a daily enema. Every other day was a ”flushing” enema which consisted of warm water mixed with ayurvedic herbs that was inserted into my colon and flushed out entirely about 10-15 minutes later. The other days I received an enema of medicated oil, which I was instructed to hold in my body for as long as possible – ideally the rest of the day. I did my best and was successful most days, but there were a few days my body just wasn’t having it. The enema produced some of the same effects of the ghee and I felt fatigued and achy and was aware my body was detoxing, but not nearly as intensely.

By the end of the 20 days, I was beyond ready to be done with the treatment. I enjoyed the daily massage but was bored with the food and ready to feel energetic and like myself again. All in all, I have mixed feelings about the treatment. I lost 13lbs which I’ve been able to keep off, and my skin was clearer and more vibrant. I didn’t notice much of a shift in my energy levels, but I do believe in the benefits of detoxing, and I know my body and organs benefited from the treatments in several ways. I most definitely would never do the vamana treatment again. It was aggressive and violent and, in my opinion, unnecessary. I believe there are other ways to cleanse the body that can be just as effective but not nearly as torturous. I would probably do the virechana and basti treatments again, however. In addition to the detoxification effects, the basti treatments also have anti-aging effects and are beneficial for the bones and ligaments, which makes sense since the body is essentially being lubricated inside and out.

Greece 2025 Wellness Retreat

By | Deep Thoughts by April

Explore & Restore in Greece

I am excited to share that I have partnered with a wellness retreat management company Fit4Travel to curate an unforgettable retreat experience for you. This 8-day wellness and travel retreat in Greece will provide the opportunity to not only deepen your yoga practice and restore mind, body, and spirit, but to explore the breathtaking islands of Crete and Santorini alongside likeminded community. Each day will be thoughtfully planned to include a balance of wellness activities and cultural experiences.

Location

Our Greek wellness adventure will take place on two of the most vibrant islands in the Mediterranean, Crete and Santorini.

Crete, Greece’s largest island with over 160 miles of beaches, is known as the birthplace of ancient Minoan civilization, and still contains endless ruins and historical sites. During our stay in Crete, our group will visit Greece’s largest and most important archaeological site, Knossos Palace. Crete is also home to many stunning beaches and a diverse landscape, with mountains, canyons, and valleys. Crete has a rich folk culture, including traditional songs, dances, and crafts.

Santorini, one of the most famous islands in the Mediterranean is known for its natural beauty, architecture, and sunsets. Santorini’s architecture includes whitewashed buildings, blue domes, candy-colored houses, and paved paths. Santorini is popular with hikers and has many hiking routes, including the path from Imerovigli to Oia which will be one our group excursions.

Activities & Excursions

Our group will begin each morning with nourishing yoga and meditation practices, followed by breakfast in community provided by the luxury hotels where we will reside. After breakfast, we will embark on daily adventures exploring the beauty and culture of Greece.

The first destination of our journey will be Crete, the largest island in Greece and fifth largest island in the Mediterranean. Our excursions in Crete will include a cooking class where we will learn about the local ingredients, and meze dishes and recipes; a visit to the 3,500-year-old Minoan (muh·no·uhn) palace of Knossos, a sprawling maze of royal chambers, grand staircases, storerooms, and workshops that is believed to be Europe’s oldest city; and a catamaran cruise and snorkeling adventure.

On day five, we will catch a ferry to Santorini, one of the most iconic islands in the Mediterranean. Our activities in Santorini will include a wine-tasting tour at Santos Winery, a hike between the towns of Imerovigli and Oia, and a free day to explore or restore at your leisure.

Accommodations & Rooming Options

Our group will reside for the first four nights at Paralos Lifestyle Beach, a luxury resort on the island of Crete. The resort is located on the sandy beach of Amoudara on Crete’s northern coastline, and the rooms are surrounded by a sparkling set of swimming pools with luxurious daybeds.

The last three nights of our journey together will be spent at Cresanto Luxury Suites on the island of Santorini. Nestled in a stunning and private location just outside the breathtaking Imerovigli, Cresanto Luxury Suites combines natural beauty with generous comfort into an incomparable holiday experience. The resort towers over the entire island and boasts stunning vistas to the eastern shores and the infinite blue of the Aegean Sea.

Single and double occupancy rooms are available. Bedding in double rooms can be separated upon request. Arrangements can be made if you are interested in being paired up to room with another participant. Upgraded packages are available, which include swim up rooms at Paralos Lifestyle Beach, and private hot tubs at Cresanto Luxury Suites.

The Nitty-Gritty

Now that I have your attention, I’ll get into the nitty-gritty of everything you need to know about pricing, payment plans, and flights.

Shared rooms start at $2,899 for a double occupancy standard room and go up to $3,199 for a double occupancy upgraded room. Private rooms start at $3,699 for a single occupancy standard room and go up to $4,299 for a single occupancy upgraded room. Upgraded rooms include a swim up room at Paralos Lifestyle Beach and a sea view room with a private hot tub at Cresanto Luxury Suites.

The cost of the retreat includes seven nights’ accommodations at luxury resorts; 7 breakfasts, 2 lunches, and 4 dinners; daily yoga and meditation activities and group excursions; a round-trip airport transfer and transportation throughout the retreat in an air-conditioned vehicle; a private English-speaking guide for tours and activities throughout the retreat; domestic ferry rides, ferry taxes and fees; and entrance fees, road tolls, and VAT.

The retreat does not include international flights, airport taxes, and extra baggage; hotel early check-in and late check-out; meals not mentioned in the program; entrance fees for any extra sightseeing or optional activities; and travel insurance.

While participants will ultimately be responsible for booking their flights, the support team at Fit4Travel will be assisting with finding flights with the best prices, the least connections, and arrival times that will align with our airport transfer to the hotel. We will be arriving in Crete and departing from Santorini. Round trip flights to Greece typically range between $1,200-$1,600.

The deadline to register is November 3, 2024 and bookings cannot be accepted after this date. To secure your spot, you will need to pay a $500 deposit by November 3rd. Half of the remaining balance will be due by December 3, 2024, and the final balance will be due by February 3, 2025. Deposits are non-refundable and it is recommended to purchase travel insurance to protect your investment.

Are you ready to treat yourself to a Sacred Prana Yoga Retreat? CLICK HERE to book your spot now!

Mexico 2022 ~ Chapter 1

By | Mexico ~ 2022

Oaxaca

Oaxaca City

In 2022, I had the opportunity to spend six months in Mexico, split into two trips. The first trip lasted four months, and I spent the first two weeks in Oaxaca, and the remainder in Chiapas. 

I began my trip to Mexico on December 31, 2021, after one of the most challenging years of my life. Not only was I navigating the changes and challenges along with the rest of the world that the pandemic brought, but I also finished my master’s program, started a new business, and put my 16-year-old dog to sleep. And it all came to a head in December of 2021. My dog, who had been sick with cancer for more than a year, started to deteriorate during the fall of 2021, and I put her to sleep on December 4th. My sister had planned to accompany us, but unfortunately contracted a serious case of COVID. I was able to find a friend to be with me, but it was a very tough time for our family to say the least. Amid the grief, I managed to take final exams for my last semester of grad school and graduate on December 18th. Those first couple weeks of December are a blur, and I don’t remember a lot outside of feeling numb and beaten down. My sister and I spent Christmas in Arizona with my mom, and although it was good to be together, we had several other stressful situations thrown at us, on top of everything else. 

I had purchased a one-way ticket to Mexico sometime in November when I knew Audri wasn’t going to make it past the holidays. Although it was a very painful loss, it was also a new beginning for me. Audri and I were together for 14 years, and she was one of the primary things that kept me from traveling more extensively. But I finally found myself, for the first time in my adult life, completely free to travel for as long as I wished. I didn’t have Audri to care for, I wasn’t in a relationship, and I worked remotely. I was making enough money to maintain my apartment in Denver so I could have an open door to return whenever I felt ready. And so, despite the chaos, I headed to Mexico. 

The first stop along my journey was Oaxaca City. I had planned to spend a week there, where a friend who lived in Mexico was going to meet me, and we were going to rent a car and drive down to Puerto Escondido together. But in the spirit of my luck at the time, my friend had to cancel her trip to Oaxaca because of an accident her boyfriend was in. So I spent the week in Oaxaca City solo instead, and then took a tiny jumper flight to Puerto Escondido. I really enjoyed Oaxaca City, and in hindsight wish I had stayed for longer. January is the busiest month of the year for my industry, so I spent most of the week working in my Airbnb. I got out for meals when I could and enjoyed a lot of really yummy (and affordable) vegan food and seafood. There are some beautiful and unique neighborhoods in Oaxaca City, with a lot of color and beautiful art sculptures. The vibe was happy and light, during a time when the US was filled with tension and fear. The Mexicans seemed to uphold their sunny dispositions and love for fun and parties despite the pandemic. The shift in energy was just what I needed. 

Before I headed to Puerto Escondido, I spent a day exploring the city on foot and took a bus to Monte Alban, a large pre-Colombian archeological site located just outside of the city. The ruins were once a metropolis of the Zapotecs, and there are pyramids and a few other structures that still stand, which tourists can climb to see beautiful views of both the ruins and Oaxaca City. Oaxaca City has a lot of character, and I will return for a longer visit one day.

Oaxaca City and Puerto Escondido are only about a six-hour drive apart, so the flight was quite quick and in one of the smallest planes I’ve been in. When I boarded the plane, I was asked to sit up front with the pilot since I was traveling alone. In planes that small, there is often only one pilot. I was nervous at first, but I had ridden in the front of another small plane in Belize and felt quite safe. There’s something about being up front and being able to see where you are going that feels comforting. And on a flight that short, you don’t make it very far up into the air before descending back down. So before I knew it, I had landed in Puerto Escondido, and it wasn’t even 10am. I dropped off my bags at my Airbnb and set out to explore the area.

Puerto Escondido

Puerto Escondido is a small beach town on the Pacific coast of Oaxaca state. The beach is gorgeous, and a popular destination for surfers because it is known for its large waves. That part was a bit unfortunate because the waves made the water too dangerous for swimming. However, I did spend a lot of time that week on the beach and enjoyed many meals at restaurants along the water. The food was delicious – I indulged in a lot of seafood, ceviche, and pina coladas. 

I quickly learned that Puerto Escondido was a party town – there isn’t much to it outside of the beach and night clubs. Wi-Fi and phone service was virtually non-existent, which put a pretty big wrench in my plans to work remotely. I had read that good Wi-Fi was hard to find, so I planned to use my phone’s hotspot as a backup plan, but that was no longer a possibility because I couldn’t get a connection. Luckily, I was able to find a decent co-working space with good internet, but it cost $15 USD per day. My Airbnb was located close to the beach and the nightclubs which sounded good in theory, however, the noise from the nightclubs carried into my room until 4am most nights, and it was impossible to drown out even with earplugs and a white noise machine on full blast. Originally, I wasn’t sure how long I was going to stay in Puerto Escondido and had hoped to stick around for a while since it was near the ocean. But after a week of barely sleeping and paying $75 for internet, I decided it was time to move on and bought a bus ticket to San Cristobal de las Casas, a popular town in the state of Chiapas with a lot of expats. 

My Airbnb in Puerto Escondido was a cabana located on a local Mexican family’s property, along with another cabana that was rented by another traveler. They offered massage and temazcal on site, so I decided to pamper myself with a spa day before heading to San Cristobal. I had a massage in the morning, and a temazcal ceremony in the evening. Temazcal translates as “house of heat.” A Mayan temazcal is an igloo shaped sweat lodge made of volcanic rock, mud, and cement. In the ancient Maya world, temazcal was used as part of a curative ceremony to purify the body after exertion, or for healing the sick and improving health. I had never tried it before, so I decided to give it a shot. It was a bit awkward to say the least. I was the only person participating that night, and Tacho, the middle-aged Mexican Airbnb host who spoke no English facilitated the experience. He prepared hot coals and heated the sweat lodge, which took about an hour. Once the sweat lodge was good and hot, Tacho told me to undress completely and instructed me to go inside the sweat lodge. I assumed I would be alone, but he entered with me. He had prepared a bucket of hot water with special herbs to cleanse the body and mind, which he ladled over the hot coals so steam filled the sweat lodge. It was hot, steamy, and humid – almost unbearable. After about 10 minutes, he led me outside to a barrel of cold water where he proceeded to dump several buckets of cold water over my naked body. I was not expecting this and was shocked by the icy water. We then returned to the sweat lodge. This back-and-forth process continued for about an hour until the herbal concoction was gone, and I felt weak and faint. Tacho told me to lie down outside under the stars, which I did for about 30 minutes before retiring to my room. It was an odd experience since I was naked, alone, and didn’t know what I was getting into, but I felt simultaneously revitalized and relaxed afterward. 

The next day I woke up with stomach cramping and diarrhea from something I had eaten or drank the day before. My bus to San Cristobal left that evening and was a 14-hour overnight ride. There was a bathroom on the bus, but I underestimated how difficult it would be to use the bathroom while the bus was moving, especially with the way they drive in Mexico. Thankfully, I got most of it out of my system before my overnight journey began. I arrived at the bus station about an hour early. I had purchased my seat online but never received the ticket in my email, so I went up to the ticket counter to speak with someone. They didn’t speak any English, and my Spanish was too limited to express what I needed to. I couldn’t use my translation app because I didn’t have phone service. A girl behind me who was bilingual came to my rescue and began to translate for me. The ticket person essentially told me that for security reasons they couldn’t give me my ticket (even though I showed him my passport), and that I had to call an 800 number. That was not possible since I had no phone service, but thankfully the bilingual girl was kind enough to call on her phone and continue to translate for me. We waited and waited and waited and never actually got through to anyone. My bus began to board, and my bilingual angel had to board a different bus, so I was about to lose my translator. I began to panic. We attempted again to talk to the person at the ticket counter to ask if I could buy another ticket, but the bus was full. I didn’t have anywhere to stay that night if I didn’t make it onto my bus, and the last thing I wanted was to be stuck there for another night. I started to cry, and finally the ticket person begrudgingly took my passport and printed a copy of my ticket and handed it to me. I still don’t understand why they couldn’t give me a copy of my own ticket in the first place, but I felt a huge wave of relief once I finally had the ticket in my hand. 

Mexico 2022 ~ Chapter 2

By | Mexico ~ 2022

San Cristobal de Las Casas

I finally boarded my bus to San Cristobal and prepared myself for a 14-hour ride. I did my best to sleep, but we stopped every hour which would wake me up as soon as I’d get relaxed enough to finally doze off. After a very long night, I arrived in San Cristobal around 7:30am the next morning. I was delighted to see that I had phone service again and called an Uber to take me to the Airbnb I had booked a few days prior. I checked into my Airbnb and began to get settled. I was exhausted but also hungry, so I headed out to get some breakfast and supplies before lying down for a nap. San Cristobal is a special place, and I instantly felt a sense of ease. It had a different vibe than the other places I’d visited in Mexico. It felt authentic and there was a pleasant mix of locals and expats but wasn’t overrun by tourists. Because of the expat community, there were a lot of things that helped me to feel at home. Vegan restaurants, organic food and product shops, yoga classes, meditation and spiritual workshops and gatherings, and hippies from different parts of the globe selling handmade jewelry and other items on the streets. The buildings are vibrant and colorful, and the city center is filled with cobblestone pedestrian streets that are lined with restaurants, shops, and street vendors. The population is around 215,000, and the center of town is the safest and most populated part of the city. My Airbnb was located right in the middle of town and everything I needed was within walking distance. I quickly knew this would be my home for the next several months.

San Cristobal is in the mountains at an elevation of 6,900 feet, so it was a bit cold in mid-January. During the day it would get into the high 50’s or low 60’s, but at night it would dip down into the 40’s. I learned the hard way that most accommodations in Mexico are not heated, and space heaters run up electricity bills very quickly. I couldn’t warm up in the Airbnb unless I was in bed fully clothed, under several comforters. The water in the shower was barely lukewarm, and I could see my breath in the bathroom when I would shower. I had rented the Airbnb for 2 weeks, but realized after a day or two that I would never make it that long. I joined a couple Facebook groups for expats in San Cristobal and put up a post looking for accommodations for the next couple months. I got a reply from another traveler who was staying at a villa nearby that he said he was very happy with and was affordable. We talked, and he told me the villas had previously been fully booked, but one of the villas had opened up unexpectedly because the previous tenants had been evicted a couple days prior. He put me in contact with the landlady, and I set up a time the next day to look at it. The villa was a couple blocks away from my Airbnb, in a gated community staffed by 24-hour security. The villa was beautiful and spacious. It had three levels, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a full kitchen and living room, and a fireplace. It wasn’t heated but felt much warmer during the day than my Airbnb, and I felt reassured by the wood stove. I was shocked when I found out the rent was $400 per month. I worked it out with my Airbnb host so that I could cancel the remainder of my reservation and get a partial refund, and a couple days later moved into my villa. I committed to three months upfront, with the option to extend for longer if I decided. 

One weekend a couple weeks into my stay in San Cristobal, I met a couple other travelers at an ecstatic dance event, and we ended up spending the evening hanging out. Hardly anyone was dancing at the event, so we left and went to a nearby restaurant for snacks and drinks. While I was talking to them, a girl brought up that her tourist visa was expiring because she wasn’t given the full six months when she arrived in Mexico. Americans and foreigners from many other countries can typically stay in Mexico for six months at a time on a tourist visa, which I was aware of from my previous visits. Upon arrival in the country, you are given a sheet of paper to fill out, and your “visa” is the small stub at the bottom of the form which is stamped at immigration and given back to you and must be returned to immigration upon leaving the country. I was under the understanding that the six months was automatic, but after talking with this girl I learned that some immigration officers had recently started giving random amounts of time that were less than six months. And if you stayed beyond the allotted time on your visa, you could be arrested and thrown in Mexican jail. 

When I got home that night, I checked my visa and noticed that I was only given 90 days. I remembered being asked when I arrived how long I was staying. I wasn’t sure at the time, and just told them three months not thinking it mattered. I started researching whether it was possible to extend the visa and ended up coming across recent stories of other travelers who had ended up in jail because they were given less than the standard 180 days and like me, weren’t aware that was even a possibility. The police and immigrations officers in Mexico are corrupt to say the least, and some of the stories I read were terrifying. Immigration offers were targeting tourist buses around touristy areas like Cancun, Tulum, etc. and pulling them over to check visas. If any of the tourists were discovered with an expired visa, they were immediately arrested and put in jail. Their personal belongings were taken, and they were not given a phone call. The only way to get out is to pay the officers with bribe money. Those who didn’t have money ended up in jail for months or even years. 

I contacted my landlady to let her know that I would have to shorten my stay, and she told me that I could go to the local immigration office to request an extension on my visa. I researched this but couldn’t find any definitive answers. A few days later I headed to the immigration office in San Cristobal, where I was told that there was no option to extend a tourist visa. My only option would be to cross the border and go to Guatemala, Belize, or the US for 72 hours and return to Mexico and obtain a new visa. I investigated doing this, and ultimately decided it wasn’t worth the hassle because I only really wanted an additional month. I was working a lot of hours and didn’t have the extra time to take a trip to the border. I found out later though, that there were ways around this (more bribes) and ultimately did end up extending my stay – which I’ll get to later.

Chiapas is a unique state in Mexico, for a few reasons. In the past it was a part of Guatemala, until 1824 when Mexico “took” Chiapas from Guatemala. Chiapas is still currently considered somewhat of an independent state, because of the Zapatista Army of National Liberation, known as the Zapatistas, a far left political and militant group that controls a substantial amount of territory in Chiapas. The Zapatistas are primarily made up of rural indigenous people, who have been “at war” with the Mexican state since 1994. If the Mexican government attempts to assert too much control over the state of Chiapas, the group will retaliate with violent protests that regularly result in road closures, armed takeovers, and even shootings. Because the Mexican government does not have much control or influence, the state has many issues beyond the violence. Chiapas is also one of the poorest states in Mexico. The water is highly contaminated, and isn’t safe to use the water to cook with, wash vegetables, brush your teeth with, etc. The contaminated water source and poverty has also led to a diabetes epidemic because Coca-Cola is cheaper than filtered water, so much of the population drinks coke instead of water. It is common for travelers to get water poisoning when visiting Chiapas, and I had the unfortunate luck of experiencing it more than once. I later learned that the best way to clean fresh fruits and vegetables is to soak them in a mixture of filtered water, apple cider vinegar, and baking soda.

The poverty also meant that things were very cheap, especially in comparison to prices in the United States, which was the reason for my cheap rent. Meals, groceries, and entertainment were also very cheap, which was a nice benefit for me since I was still paying rent and other bills back at home. I stayed busy working during the weekdays, but prioritized getting out for meals once a day, and as often as possible on the weekends for yoga classes, sound healings, and other wellness workshops. I also had the opportunity to take a couple day trips. 

San Juan Chamula

The first day trip I took was to the indigenous village of San Juan Chamula, which is just outside of San Cris. While there are organized tours to Chamula, I didn’t end up taking one, but instead visited the village with Edwinn, the traveler who had connected me with the villa. Edwinn is a Mexican native but is an avid traveler and has spent many years living and working in the United States. He was on his second or third visit to San Cris and had been to Chamula in the past, so I had my own personal tour guide. We took a collectivo, a public van transportation service that Mexican locals use to get around, to a hiking point just outside of Chamula. We went on a short hike before making our way to the village. Once we arrived, we explored the local market, and eventually made our way into the Church of St. Juan Bautista, which is one of the main attractions of the village. Edwinn told me that the indigenous people of Chamula allow tourists to enter the village only during the daytime because they need the tourism to survive, but foreigners are not welcome to stay overnight and Chamula can be a dangerous place after daylight hours. Visiting the church was a surreal experience. Their religion is said to be a Catholic institution; however, this was unlike any church I have ever experienced. We spent about an hour inside, observing the rituals. There were massive amounts of incense burning inside the church, filling it with smoke. Hay covered the cement floors, and the walls were lined with glass cases that held statues of saints and other religious figures. We watched while a group of people removed a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe and changed her clothes, a ritual that took 20 or 30 minutes. Other families were huddled together performing interesting rituals where they would brush away the hay to expose the cement floor, and line up several tall thin candles and adhere them to the floor with wax. They would then fill two small glasses with Coca-Cola and Posh, a homemade corn liquor, and set the glasses near the candles. At the start of the ritual, they lit all the candles and chanted a specific chant repeatedly until the candles burned all the way to the floor. Once the candles were gone, the wax was scraped from the floor and the leader of the ritual would drink the shots of Coca-Cola and Posh. He then grabbed a live chicken, which was being held by another member of the group, and sacrificed it. I couldn’t believe my eyes – he used his bare hands to remove its head. We made our way out of the church shortly after the sacrifice, shocked at what we had witnessed. We spent a bit more time exploring the village and the expansive cemetery before heading back to San Cris.

Sumidero Canyon & Chiapa de Corzo

The second day trip I took was a guided tour to Sumidero Canyon, with a stop in the town of Chiapa de Corzo. Sumidero Canyon is a beautiful national park a couple hours outside of San Cris. They offer boat tours along the river inside large, impressive canyons, where spider monkeys and river crocs can be seen. I didn’t realize I booked the tour with a Spanish speaking driver and guide, which made for an uncomfortable and stressful day. I knew some Spanish, but spent much of the day confused and almost lost my group twice. The other people on the tour were Spanish speakers as well, but during our lunch stop in Chiapa de Corzo, a couple who spoke some English talked with me a bit and we walked around together and listened to live instrumental music and shopped at the local market. 

Palenque

One of the highlights of my excursions was an overnight trip to Palenque. Palenque is a city located in the southern part of the state and the home of a well-known archeological site that houses the ruins of an expansive ancient Mayan city. I hired a private driver to take me on the overnight trip, and the drive from San Cristobal was around six hours. We stopped for a couple hours in Agua Azul, a small village with a cluster of beautiful turquoise waterfalls, where I had lunch and walked around the town and did some shopping. We also stopped along the way to see huge waterfall called Misol-Ha. We arrived in Palenque around dusk, and I spent the evening on the grounds of my hotel, which was beautiful. There was a large pool, lush gardens, and cabanas for guestrooms. In the morning, we left early to spend a couple hours at the ruins before starting our drive back to San Cris. I decided to hire a guide while at the ruins, who walked around with me for about an hour and excitedly explained the history of the ruins. They were some of the most impressive ruins I’ve seen in my life, right up there with Macchu Picchu. After my guide left, I spent about another hour exploring the ruins and the adjacent jungle. The ruins in the park have been restored, but it is speculated that more than a thousand structures are still covered by the jungle. In hindsight, I wish I had spent more time in Palenque – it was one of the most beautiful places I’ve visited in Mexico.

An Unexpected Love Affair

A few weeks into my stay in San Cristobal, I went to a vegan restaurant for lunch and the owner of the restaurant approached me to ask about my meal. At first she spoke to me in Spanish, but when I told her I my Spanish wasn’t good, she started talking with me in English. There was something about her that stuck in my mind. I ended up returning to the restaurant the following week, and we talked more. I decided to ask her to join me for dinner or a drink sometime, and to my surprise she accepted. Now, this is a very long story that has a separate blog entry of its own, so I won’t go into much detail here. But in a nutshell, Yajaira and I fell in love more quickly than I had ever before experienced. I had dated women in the past, but I had never fallen this deeply in love with another woman. Unfortunately, it was complicated. She was married and had a 7-year-old daughter at the time. Her marriage had been on the rocks for many years, but she stayed for her daughter. There were many obstacles standing in the way of us being together, but love is not logical, and we made the choice to make the most of our limited time together. 

Every moment Yajaira and I could see each other, we did. We spent much of the next month in my villa in a bubble of love. We knew my visa expiration was approaching, but being a Mexican native she knew how to work the system and had some ideas up her sleeve. Before moving to San Cris six months earlier, Yajaira had lived for many years on the island of Carmen, Campeche on the Yucatan peninsula. She had to make a trip back there for a couple days, and she invited me along. Those four days were some of the most fun times I’ve experienced. We took collectivos, taxis, and buses across several Mexican states, ate authentic Mexican food, and I got to experience it all with the guidance of a native. While we were in Carmen, we enjoyed drinks on the beach, went on a boat ride and saw dolphins, and spent time with some of Yajaira’s family and friends. She treated me like a princess. She also happened to have a friend who worked closely with the immigration office in Carmen, and he was able to work his magic to get me a new FMM card (tourist visa), but for a price. I can’t remember now how much I paid, but I believe it ended up being around $300 USD. 

When we returned to San Cris, I made arrangements to extend my stay at the villa for an additional month so Yajaira and I could have more time together. Unfortunately the villa I had been staying in was already booked, but I was able to move into a smaller studio apartment across from the villa. At that point it didn’t matter where I was as long as I was with her. I wished our time together could have lasted forever, and I still sometimes wish I could return to those magical days, but all good things must come to an end. Although the relationship didn’t exactly end well after I departed San Cris, I will always look back on those couple months with warmth and fondness. 

Mexico 2022 ~ Chapter 3

By | Mexico ~ 2022

Progreso

After returning home from my 4-month trip in Mexico during the first part of 2022, I knew I wanted to return in the fall. I decided not to return to San Cristobal, mainly because things fell apart between Yajaira and me a few weeks after I left Mexico, but also because I wanted to do more exploring. I had been interested in visiting Mérida, Yucatan for some time, and had heard really great things about it. There is a large population of expats, the photos are beautiful, and it is said to be one of the safest places in Mexico. I joined a couple Facebook groups for expats in Mérida and began to ask around about accommodations for the fall. I received a message back from a girl who had a condo for rent in Progreso. Progreso is a small beach town about an hour drive from Mérida, and where many Mérida locals spend the weekends. I hadn’t thought about going there but after doing some research, I decided to split up my trip and spend a month in Progreso, and a month in Mérida. I am very much a water person, and living in a landlocked state hadn’t allowed me much time at the ocean up until that point, so I decided it was time for some “real” ocean time. 

I rented the condo for the month of October and booked my flight. I ended up stranded in Houston for a night because my flight from Denver was delayed and there was only one flight to Mérida per day. I was rebooked the following day, and arrived that evening in Mérida and took a taxi to Progreso. The condo was spacious and quite nice. There were two bedrooms, a full kitchen and living room, and a small pool just outside the front window. The best part was that it just a 5-minute walk from the beach. I instantly felt a sense of calm. 

I can honestly say that Progreso is one of my favorite places I’ve visited so far. It is a cruise ship port the drops off tourists for a few hours at a time once or twice a week, but otherwise the only other tourists I regularly saw were Mexicans visiting from Mérida or other nearby cities. I don’t love visiting tourist destinations when I travel – I would much rather go somewhere where I can live and experience life as a local. Tourist destinations are not only overrun with tourists, but the prices are overinflated, and the food and entertainment are less authentic. 

The primary attraction in Progreso is the malecón, or the boardwalk. Beautiful restaurants and hotels line the malecón, along with local vendors selling trinkets on the beach. I ate some of the best seafood I’ve ever experienced in Progreso. The restaurants on the malecón are more expensive, but still very affordable compared to US standards. I did try out a few restaurants that were off the beaten path (a few blocks from the malecón) and they were also great for a much lower price. 

The condo was only a five-minute walk from the beach and the water was calm and very warm – perfect conditions for swimming. Except for the seaweed – there was a large amount of brown seaweed called sargassum, during that month. This is common and comes from the Great Atlantic Sargassum Belt. Some days were worse than others and the seaweed would accumulate along the edge of the water, and workers would rake it into piles each day. But nothing could stop me – and many others – from swimming. The beach was quiet in the mornings and would get busier as the days went on, so I would start my day with an hour-long swim or float in the ocean before work. 

I had a heavier than normal workload during that month because I had hired a contractor that started working with me at the beginning of the month. I spent three weeks training her over Zoom calls, only for her to quit without notice and leave me with a mountain of work to complete during the last week of the month. But my daily visits to the ocean, and the incredible seafood I was eating each day kept me in good spirits. On my days off I would spend time on the beach relaxing on a beachfront chair or bed, watching people and seagulls. The seagulls would “float” in the wind and looked so peaceful and happy. 

I took a couple day trips during my time in Progreso, to a nearby town called Chelem. Chelem is about a 30-minute drive from Progreso and is a bit smaller with more of a local vibe. There was no malecón, but the beach and ocean were incredible. Hardly anyone else was at the beach during the two days I visited, and the water was calm and clear blue. The restaurants weren’t as good though, and it was challenging to find a taxi. I had hired a private taxi driver recommended by my landlady for my first trip, and apparently he spent the afternoon at the bar while he waited for me. On the way home, he was noticeably drunk, drinking a can of beer while driving, and pulled over twice to pee on the side of the road. The second time I went I decided to take an Uber. I had no problem getting an Uber from Progreso, but when I was ready to return, I couldn’t find a driver. I also tried DiDi, Mexico’s other popular rideshare, but they had no drivers available either. As the sun started to set, I started to panic, but decided to go into a restaurant and ask for help. I spoke broken Spanish and asked for a taxi. The bartender made a call, and a driver picked me up within 15 minutes. 

As with any visit to another country, the trip wasn’t without its challenges. The condo was far from soundproof, and there was regular noise from other condos and the pool. The people above would party regularly and throw cigarette butts and beer cans into my yard. There was also a family of large cockroaches living in the kitchen, which is common in humid climates. I had to hide my fruit bowl at night, otherwise I’d wake up to holes eaten out of my fruit. My girlfriend at the time, Beth, and I had broken a week into my trip during an argument over the phone. Yajaira later came for an impromptu visit for a weekend. We had an amazing reunion, but it ultimately ended up reopening the wound that hadn’t yet healed, and I was left with a double broken heart. 

Overall though, Progreso was lovely. The weather was pleasant – 80’s during the day, 60’s at night, and humidity that comes naturally in an ocean climate. The condo was comfortable, and the landlady was helpful and responsive. I felt I had a nice balance between a cultural experience and the conveniences I needed to feel at home. And having the ocean so close was a true gift. I couldn’t help but to think again that I need to live closer to the ocean. Or what a dream it would be to have a second home in a place like Chelem or Progreso. 

Playa del Carmen

After my first month in Progreso and before I headed to Mérida, I spent a week in Playa del Carmen because a friend of mine from Denver was there for a wedding. I had also met another girl while I was in Guatemala the year before, who was originally from California, and was living in Playa with her boyfriend at the time. 

Reagan, my friend from Denver, was staying at an all-inclusive resort for the wedding, and invited me to stay with her for a couple nights and be her wedding “date.” After the wedding, we had booked an Airbnb for a couple extra nights so we could explore Playa together. I won’t go into a lot of detail about the resort, but I’ll say that I learned once again that all-inclusive resorts are not my style. The resort was beautiful – it was an eco-resort with cenotes, pools, and a lot of vegetation and wildlife. Before and after the wedding, Reagan and I spent a good amount of time floating in the pools and cenotes. The food though, was average and far from authentic. The staff spoke English and the ATMs dispensed US dollars. Nothing about the resort even felt as though we were in another country, except for the wildlife. I’ve never understood why people leave the country to go somewhere that is exactly like home. To me, it cheapens the experience of traveling, and robs the traveler of precious memories and experiences of being in another country and culture. But, to each his own.

Once we left the resort, we got a taste of the “real Playa.” Now, I will say that Playa is much more touristy than places I generally travel to, but I was impressed to see that much of the authentic Mexican culture was still very present. Kayla, my other friend who lives in Playa, met up with us a couple times and took us to some delicious restaurants and a beautiful local beach. The beach there was by far the highlight. The water was warm, calm, and clear. We spent as much time as possible in the ocean. 

We also happened to be in Playa during Día de Los Muertos, so we got to participate in some of the festivities. In the main square, there was a celebration with live music, intricate ofrendas, local vendors selling handmade goods, and of course street food. I generally stay away from street food, but I felt safe with Kayla’s guidance since she lived there. We tried elote (grilled corn on the cob covered in mayo, cotija cheese, chili powder and lime juice) and marquesitas (crunchy rolled crepe like desserts that are filled with sweet goodies like cajeta, Nutella, jam, fruit, and edam cheese). Both were delectable.

On Reagan’s last day, we walked around and did some shopping while being fed shots of mezcal (great selling technique) and swimming in the ocean. Unfortunately, the weather started to turn while we were still in the ocean, and a downpour started as soon as we got out of the water. We found protection under some trees as the rain came down in sheets. Thankfully it didn’t last long, but we were drenched including our towels and bags. We walked back through a strange jungly area where we were eaten by mosquitos. Reagan had an allergic reaction to the mosquitos, and she was covered in painful swollen bites. Thankfully she was able to mitigate the swelling by resting and putting her legs up the wall before she boarded her plane back to Denver. 

I stayed in Playa for a few more days at Kayla’s apartment. It was on the outskirts of Playa in a gated community, and I didn’t have access to the beach, restaurants, or transportation, so I spent a couple days catching up on work before I headed back to the Yucatan.

Mérida

After my tranquil month in Progreso and a week with friends in Playa del Carmen, I finally arrived in Mérida. I had rented an Airbnb that was about a 15-minute walk to the city center with all the attractions and restaurants. Most importantly, it had a pool. Mérida was known for being quite hot that time of year, so I knew I’d need relief from the heat. 

Unfortunately, Mérida was not what I had hoped it would be. It was a large, crowded, bustling city, full of noise, traffic, and pollution. My Airbnb was located in a neighborhood that wasn’t convenient to any restaurants, shops, or attractions, and my 15-minute walk to the city center was unpleasant to say the least. The buildings were tall and lined the streets in a way that reflected and magnified the traffic noise. Black clouds of pollution engulfed the buses, cars, and motorbikes. I did find some great restaurants where I enjoyed delicious meals, both vegan and non-vegan. I also did a walking tour and explored some of the history and main attractions of the city. Mérida is a city with a lot of history, and beautiful colonial architecture. But something I’ve learned from my travels is that while I prefer to live in a city, I prefer travelling in smaller towns. They are much easier to navigate on foot and are less overwhelming to adjust to in a new culture and environment. 

I may have been happier if my accommodations were closer to the city center and I didn’t have to endure that hellacious walk every day. To add insult to injury, I couldn’t even get reprieve from the noise inside the Airbnb. The traffic noise carried directly into the apartment, and I could only drown it out when I was sleeping with earplugs and white noise on full blast. I shared a wall with a very sweet lady who had a terror of a two-year old, and I could constantly hear him screaming and pounding on things when they were home. Thankfully she worked and would take him to a babysitter during the day. I tried my best to focus on my work during the days, and cooled down each afternoon in the unheated pool after my overwhelming walk to the city center for lunches. But after about a week and a half, I started to lose my sanity.

I contacted my previous landlady from Progreso, and she said the condo was available and I was welcome to come back. I contacted my Airbnb host, a young American girl, but she wasn’t as easy to deal with. I had rented the condo for the full month, which was nonrefundable at that point. I tried to negotiate with her and explained that I was struggling to find a peaceful moment to keep my mind focused on my work, but she wouldn’t budge. The next day though, she had a change of heart and decided to honor my request to cancel my reservation early and gave me a partial refund. She said she felt guilty and wanted to help me out. She also explained her perspective due to the limitations of Airbnb and their excessive fees for property owners. Nonetheless, I was extremely grateful for the opportunity to return to Progreso for the final two weeks of my trip.

I packed up that weekend and got an Uber back to Progreso. As soon as I arrived back at the condo, I knew I had made the right decision. I spent those final couple weeks going to the ocean daily and filling up on delicious seafood and cheladas. By the time I returned to Denver, I felt more grounded and connected than I had in months. Even as I’m writing this, I am dreaming of returning to Progreso or Chelem sooner than later.

Guatemala ~ Chapter 1

By | Guatemala ~ 2021

Lake Atitlan

My first international trip after the pandemic was a 10-day self-retreat in Guatemala in May of 2021. I had been wanting to visit Guatemala since 2015 when I tried to host a yoga retreat with a fellow yoga teacher at Lake Atitlan. However, no matter how hard we tried, we could not get a single person to sign up for the retreat. I’ve led many yoga retreats during my teaching career and have never had that much trouble getting people to sign up. International retreats are naturally more difficult to fill because of the cost and time commitment, but I think this one was particularly difficult because of the location. Guatemala has a bad rap because of violence and cartel activity. Many people I’ve talked to have preconceived fears about the safety of traveling there. But for some reason I’ve always been drawn to visit, and after doing some research, I found that there are several places that are safe for travelers.

Lake Atitlan is known as one of the most beautiful lakes in the entire world. The lake is expansive, surrounded by volcanoes, and the water is clean and clear. There are eleven villages that surround the lake which are primarily inhabited by indigenous Mayan communities. Five of the villages are popular tourist destinations; Panajachel, San Pedro, San Marcos la Laguna, Santa Cruz, and Jaibalito. San Marcos is known as being the “most spiritual” of these five, and there are many yoga retreat centers located there. I found an eco-retreat called The Yoga Forest that is literally built into the side of a mountain. The Yoga Forest has since been sold and now operates under the name of Kawoq Forest. I booked a seven-day personal retreat, and decided to end my trip with three nights in Antigua, a small city about an hour outside of Guatemala City. I read good things about Antigua’s safety, and that it is a popular tourist destination with many attractions. 

I took a red eye flight to Guatemala City, and due to the safety concerns in the city, I booked a private driver to pick me up at the airport and bring me to the lake, which is generally between a 3-4 hour drive. I slept through most of it but remember waking up during the decent to the lake. The view was breathtaking as we made our way down a mountain on the windy switchback roads. Once we arrived at my drop-off point in San Marcos, there was a porter from The Yoga Forest waiting to carry my bag and escort me to the retreat center, which is about a 15-20 minute walk deep into the forest. As we walked through the forest, I wondered how they carried food and supplies to the retreat center since it wasn’t accessible by car. We finally arrived and I was greeted by a couple who was checking out of the retreat. They sang its praises, telling me what a wonderful time they had had during their stay. 

I spent my first day getting settled in and oriented with the property. Because it is an eco- retreat, the cabins don’t have electricity, WiFi, or even mirrors, and the toilets are shared compost outhouses. The community showers are outdoor and solar powered. WiFi is available in the main dining area, but otherwise, I got the true unplugged experience. I brought a headlamp and battery powered book light, which were my only sources of light after the sun went down. I stayed in a shared dormitory with four beds, but lucked out and had the entire cabin to myself for the full week. Guatemala had only recently begun allowing travelers back into the country at that time, and the tourism industry had been hit hard by the pandemic. My cabin had an incredible view of the lake, with active volcanoes in the background. It rained on and off in the evenings during my stay, but there was one clear night when I was able to see a small eruption from one of the volcanoes light up in the darkness. 

My week at the retreat was lovely. My days began with morning meditation and yoga asana classes. After yoga, we were served a delicious, healthy, and hearty vegetarian breakfast in the mid-morning. The late mornings and afternoons were kept open for us to do as we wished, and then we had a late afternoon restorative yoga class followed by dinner. I spent a couple of my afternoons exploring San Marcos and a couple of the nearby villages with other retreat participants I befriended. The other retreatants were friendly and open, and I made many new friends from all over the world. My first friend was a girl who was originally from California but had been living the past year in Mexico with her boyfriend, a Mexican native she met while traveling. She was in Guatemala for only a couple nights on a visa run, and we spent some time together, exploring San Marcos and enjoying a few meals at local restaurants. We also befriended a young New Yorker named Sephy, who was fun and energetic. We ended up skinny dipping in the lake, which was magical and liberating. Toward the end of my weeklong stay, I got a spontaneous tattoo from a local artist in San Marcos, of a beautiful monarch butterfly on my left forearm.

There also happened to be a group of around 15 holotropic breathwork students staying at the retreat during the same time I was there. They had been participating in a remote breathwork facilitation training program over the previous year and were coming together in person for their final certification requirements. They all had to facilitate breathwork sessions, and the rest of us who were staying at the retreat were invited to participate in the sessions for free. I had participated in a few holotropic breathwork sessions in Denver and one in Bali. It is a spiritual practice where students are guided into a deep meditative state using a specific breathing technique, which can help release trapped traumas and bring people to altered states. Some people have reported visiting parallel or alternate realities and/or receiving visits from ancestors or loved ones who have passed. I’ve had some deeply healing experiences of my own, primarily releasing emotional traumas. I had the pleasure of participating in one of the sessions at The Yoga Forest, and it was one of the most peaceful breathwork sessions I’ve experienced, which I came out of feeling deeply grounded.

I purchased two wellness services as part of my personal retreat, and I chose a tarot reading and a past life regression. I had gotten tarot readings in the past, but never a past life regression, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was easily one of the most spiritual experiences I’ve ever had. The woman who facilitated the session, Naomi, started by guiding me into a deep state of meditation, similar to the hypnogogic state you are guided into during a yoga nidra session. I laid on a massage table while she led me through an in-depth body scan and several visualizations. This lasted around 45 minutes, and by that point I had dropped in deeply. She then led me through a visualization of walking down a long spiral staircase. At the bottom of the staircase, I walked into a hallway of doors. She instructed me to walk down the hallway until I reached a door that I felt called to open. I eventually found that door and opened it. She then turned things over to me and asked me to start telling her what I saw. I saw myself in a desert. She asked me to look at my feet, which I did and saw that they were barefoot, standing in sand and with olive colored skin. She asked who I was with. I was with two children, a boy and a girl. I can still see their faces vaguely in my mind. She asked if I recognized them from my life now, but at that moment I didn’t. Naomi then snapped her fingers and brought me to a different scene in the same lifetime, where I found myself in a busy marketplace with my two children. She asked me questions about what I was observing in the marketplace. I told her that I felt I was in danger, and then suddenly I found myself gasping for air and crying out in pain. I felt an intense pain in my heart, deeper than I’ve ever felt before. She asked what was happening and I told her that my children had been taken from me and I was captured. She sat with me for a few minutes while I cried, and talked me through the pain and emotional release I was experiencing. It was at that moment that I knew who the children were, two people from my past that I had spoken to Naomi about before the session. Eventually I was able to collect myself and she snapped her fingers again and brought me to another scene in that lifetime, further into the future. I was a servant for a wealthy family, and I knew that my children were too, but we were not together. We then moved further into the future, and I was an old woman on my deathbed with a medicine woman next to me. I knew I was never reunited with my children in that lifetime, and I carried that guilt for the rest of that lifetime and into future lifetimes. I saw myself leave my body. Naomi then guided me through a cord cutting session to detach myself from the children, and gave me the opportunity to apologize to them, and to forgive and release myself from my attachments to them. At that point the deep pain in my heart subsided. Naomi then guided me back out the door of that lifetime and into the hallway. I walked back up the spiral staircase, and she slowly guided me back into my body. It took days for me to fully recover from that experience. My body felt heavy for several hours after, and I was emotional for several days. I still can’t quite grasp the intensity of that experience.

My time at Lake Atitlan was incredibly special and I will always remember that week. It was exactly what I needed after a stressful year following the pandemic and my first year of grad school. I had many memorable experiences and hope one day to have the opportunity to return to that magical lake. 

Guatemala ~ Chapter 2

By | Guatemala ~ 2021

Antigua

After my week of self-care at Lake Atitlan, I headed to Antigua for three days. I had been loosely looking for a place to study Spanish in the future, and I had read that Guatemala was a good place to learn. Guatemalan Spanish is said to be clearer and easier to understand than some of the other Spanish speaking countries. I had also read that Antigua was one of the safer places in Guatemala for tourists, and therefore had a substantial expat population. So I decided to get a feel for the city and see if it would be a place where I’d want to return to spend more time in the future.

I took a shuttle from the lake to Antigua, and it was a 2 ½ hour drive of windy switchback roads. I get carsick easily, so it was a pretty miserable couple of hours. Eventually I arrived in Antigua and checked into my hostel. I learned during that stay that I will not be staying at hostels again. I’m not a hostel person to begin with – I like my privacy and quiet. But this one had a single room with a private bathroom, so I thought I’d give it a shot. Firstly, the room was hardly big enough to fit the bed. I could barely walk around the bed. Secondly, the walls were paper thin and there was a bar/restaurant not far from my room. The younger kids stayed up partying until 4am every night, so I barely got any sleep. 

Antigua, however, is a super sweet little city and I’m so glad I had the opportunity to visit. I was there during the rainy season, so everything was green and luckily, there wasn’t a lot of rain during my visit. The climate was pleasant – 70’s during the day, 60’s at night with light humidity. The buildings are colorful with a colonial vibe and the streets are made of cobblestone. There are several beautiful cathedrals with intricate designs both inside and out. The town is also full of ruins. The Spanish word “antigua” translates to “ancient” in English. At the city center there is a beautiful plaza with fountains and gardens called Plaza Mayor, surrounded by a large cathedral, an art museum, and many cafés and shops. About a 30-minute walk from the city center, there is an overlook point called Cerro de la Cruz (Hill of the Cross). The well-maintained path to the top of the hill is made of concrete steps that are surrounded by tall wispy trees. Once you arrive at the top, you are greeted by breathtaking views of the city, as well as the two volcanoes that surround Antigua – Fuego (the active one), and Agua (the inactive one).

One of the friends I made at Lake Atitlan was also in Antigua while I was there, so we met up for a couple of meals and drinks. At the time, I was eating a mostly vegan diet, and there were several vegan restaurants with delicious food. The prices were a bit higher than at the lake, likely because it is more of a tourist destination. But I was impressed with the food quality and cleanliness of the restaurants. The restaurants were also quite beautiful, most with open air courtyards with beautiful gardens, and many with terraces with beautiful views of Fuego and Agua. 

During my last day in Antigua, I booked a free walking tour to get a better feel for the city. I ended up being the only person on the tour along with my guide, Harold. Harold and I became instant friends. We walked around for three hours, and he showed me ruins, cathedrals, and other beautiful landmarks while explaining their history and significance. His love and passion for his home was palpable. After the tour, Harold invited me out for a drink at a local dive bar. I accepted the invitation, and we had a great time. The locals were inviting and welcoming. I couldn’t wait to return to Antigua.

The Life and Times of Audri the Dog

By | Deep Thoughts by April

When I was 24 years old, I decided it was time to adopt a dog. I had no idea what I was in for, but despite all the work and responsibility it ended up being, I was blessed to have found my spirit dog. If you were one of the many who had the pleasure of meeting Audri during our 14 years together, you know what a character she was. So, this is my tribute to my sweet companion who I will never forget.

The Time Audri Adopted Me

This is my favorite story about Audri. I didn’t adopt her, she adopted me. When I was ready to adopt a dog, I decided I wanted to rescue an adult dog. So, my search began with the Denver Dumb Friends League. I visited with a couple dogs over the following couple of weeks, but they were just not quite the one. And then one day when I was perusing ads on Craigslist, I came across Audri. She was a two-year-old rat terrier who had been rescued from breeders by a dog trainer. The breeders abused her during her first two years of life; she was kept in a cage in a dark basement, and she was only let out for 30 minutes per day and she was forced to have multiple back-to-back litters of puppies. Her voice box had been removed, but it eventually grew back. Because of this, she always had a bit of a funny sounding bark, especially in her last couple years of life. I’m not really sure what else they did to her, but she was afraid of feet and frying pans, so I can only imagine. The dog trainer rescued her a couple months before placing the ad on Craigslist and had worked with her to overcome her fears and prepare her for a forever home. Unfortunately, Audri carried some baggage from this experience throughout her life, so she was not exactly the easiest dog to care for.

Audri was living in Loveland when I found her, a small down about an hour north of Denver, so one weekend day I made the drive up to meet her. I pulled up to the trainer’s house, which was on a large piece of land with many animals. As soon as I stepped out of my car, a cute little black and white spotted dog ran up to the fence and started jumping up and down like a pogo stick, with a giant smile on her face. The trainer let me in and showed me around, and all the while Audri followed us around, glued to my side from the start. We sat down on a porch so I could get to know Audri, and she was ALL over me. She smothered me with attention and kisses, and I could barely have a conversation with the trainer. I have never seen her greet another human this way, in fact quite the contrary, which I will get more into later. We agreed I would take her home for a weeklong trial period to decide if she would be a good fit for adoption. Audri and I got into my car and drove back to Denver, and I still remember her sitting in the passenger seat smiling at me, as if she knew I had come to rescue her. We fell in love pretty much instantly, and there was no way I was taking her back after that first week. She was far from easy, but she was mine, and I was hers.

The Time Audri Bit (Six Times, That Is…)

Audri quickly became very attached to me and was very protective of me. She was instantly territorial of me and my home, which I learned within the first couple weeks of adopting her. A friend came over and when I opened the door, Audri darted out into the hallway and bit her on the back of her leg. And this was no little bite; she drew blood all the way through her jeans. Another time a good friend came into my apartment without knocking, and Audri went straight for his leg and again drew blood. Anytime someone would knock on the door, she would bark incessantly and aggressively. I tried many things to curb her aggressive behavior, from taking her to training classes to crating her when people came over. Eventually I learned that if I would bring her outside on a leash to meet our guests in a neutral territory, she wasn’t as aggressive. Once she got comfortable with the new person, we would walk back home together. She would usually start barking once we got inside, but was not nearly as aggressive as if they had come to the door and knocked or rang the doorbell. Still, she could be unpredictable. There were times people were in the house for a while and she was fine, but if they made a sudden move or got up too quickly, she’d lunge for them and would sometimes bite. At this point I can’t even remember all the people she bit, but I remember it being around six or seven in total. Thankfully after she was about seven or eight years old, she stopped biting, for the most part. She was still always weird about certain things; she would freak out if people hugged or if anyone got near me when I was in bed or in the bathroom, including a couple of my past partners that we lived with for several years. She was also aggressive with other dogs especially when she was on a leash, and it seemed that nothing I did to try to train her made any difference. Those first few years were very stressful because I was always on edge about her biting someone or starting a fight with another dog. Thankfully the people she bit were all friends who were very forgiving and understanding, but I often worried that I would have to put her down one day for biting the wrong person. Even after she stopped biting, anyone who dared to step foot in our home would have to work very hard to win her over. She eventually lightened up as she got older, and when anyone did win her over, she became very affectionate and loving with them, and even seemed to forget I existed. Which I would choose any day over the biting and aggression.

The Time Audri Beheaded a Squirrel

When I was 26 years old and Audri was around four, I got married and moved into a house, and for the first time she had a yard of her own. My ex installed a doggie door on the kitchen door which opened into our backyard. We also had a cat, so when we weren’t home, we would put Audri in the kitchen and close the door to the rest of the house so Antonio (the cat) wouldn’t escape out the doggie door. Audri had free reign to go in and out of the house and would spend a lot of time in the yard. One day I came home from work and parked in the garage. I walked into the kitchen from the garage and on the floor in front of me was the body of a dead squirrel. I screamed bloody murder and Audri just beamed at me with pride. After containing my initial shock and terror, I took a closer look at the squirrel and noticed it was missing its head. We never found the head, and I don’t want to know where it went. Rat terriers were bred to kill small animals, and it was in her blood to kill. Thankfully she was usually leashed, but when we went on walks, she would always go after squirrels, birds, and any other animal that was small and moved quickly. She was certainly good at what she was bred to do, and that little dog was fast.

The Time Audri Moved to Arizona

When I was around 32 years old, I began to feel an intense urge to travel long-term. After a lot of thought, conversation, and research, I decided I wanted to move to Thailand to teach English for a year, possibly longer. My mother who lives in Arizona lost her dog around that time, so she agreed to take Audri while I was gone. Over the following year, I planned my move. I slowly sold everything I owned, cut all my ties in Denver, and said my goodbyes. I hadn’t really thought through the magnitude of my decision and was caught up in the romanticized idea I had created in my mind of my new life overseas. Eventually the day came to leave Denver, and Audri and I set off in a rental car filled with the last few items I owned and drove to Arizona. I stayed at my mom’s house for a month so I could help Audri transition into her new home. That month quickly passed, and my departure day arrived. Audri accompanied me, my mom, my aunt, and my uncle on the drive to the airport. That drive was heart wrenching, as was saying goodbye to Audri. My heart ached with so much guilt for leaving her. I promised her I would return for her, and that she could visit me in my dreams anytime she wanted. And she did. I remember one night when I was in Bali where I spent the first two months of my trip, I dreamed of her, and we were so happy to be reunited. The next day I told my mom about the dream, and she said Audri was perkier than usual that day. Still, she wasn’t herself while I was gone. She was often sad and withdrawn and slept most of her days away. Luckily for her, my trip ended up lasting only three months. I struggled with anxiety and depression due to a difficult breakup, which led me back home to my comforts. But because I had sold everything and spent all my money on the trip, I couldn’t afford to immediately return to Denver. So Audri and I lived in Arizona for the next 10 months.

I’ll never forget the day we were reunited. She was so happy to see me, and we became even closer than before. She didn’t leave my side for weeks. And after we returned to Denver, she decided she hated my mom’s house. We drove back to Arizona a couple times for extended visits during the pandemic, and she was so angry to be there and was a total brat to my mom. When I packed up my car to drive back home, she thought I was going to leave her there again and completely lost it. It’s funny how they remember certain things forever. I still feel guilty for abandoning her and thinking it was okay to just leave her for a year. I know better now, and I will never again leave behind another being I have committed to take care of.

The Time Audri Got Lost

The year Audri and I moved back to Denver, I lost her for a night. We were living in a big house with three other girls, and Audri would sometimes hang out with them and their dogs. I was in my room one night working on my computer and Audri hadn’t been with me for about an hour. The girls were downstairs, so I assumed she was with them. I heard them leave at one point to go get ice cream. A few minutes later it occurred to me that they were gone and Audri wasn’t with me. She wasn’t the type of dog to hang out alone, so I went downstairs and started looking for her. I began to panic when I couldn’t find her. Shortly after, the girls came home, and we all began to search for Audri. A couple of us walked around the neighborhood calling out her name and one of the girls drove around. We lived between two busy streets, and Audri was very unaware of traffic, so my mind went to the worst places. After an hour or two of searching, we decided to give up and try again in the morning.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt utterly heartbroken. I couldn’t believe she was gone. I felt like a complete failure as a dog mom. I peeled myself out of bed and started my search again. I created a flyer to post around the neighborhood and printed out several copies. I called the animal shelters, but they had not seen her, and she wasn’t microchipped. My sister suggested I check Craigslist to see if someone had put up a post about her. I didn’t find any posts but decided to put up a “lost dog” post with her photo. I got into the shower to prepare myself to continue the search, and when I got out, I already had a response to my Craigslist ad. The email was from a woman who had seen my post and had also seen a post on the Facebook marketplace that another couple had posted about a dog they found the night before. She put two and two together and emailed me the Facebook ad with only the words, “is this your dog?” It was Audri!!! I quickly responded to the Facebook ad and learned that the couple were my neighbors that lived almost directly behind me. They came home the night before and found Audri wandering around in the alley alone. She was friendly with them, so they took her in. They also had a dog, who Audri apparently got along with well, and she had a sleepover with her new friends. I pieced everything together and realized Audri had followed me outside that night when I dumped the trash in the alley. I didn’t notice her, so I locked her in the alley when I closed the gate behind me. They must have come home just a few minutes later, thankfully, so she didn’t have the chance to make it to the street.

I walked over to the couple’s house, and Audri and I were reunited, and we were both overjoyed to see each other. I never again let her out of my sight when we were outside, and always put a collar on her with an address/phone tag when I went out of town. I thanked the couple who took her in profusely and offered a reward. They declined, saying that they did it because they would have wanted someone to do the same if their dog had gotten lost. I also offered a reward to the mysterious woman who connected the two ads, but I never heard from her again. This is yet another story of Audri that I love to share that solidifies that she was my spirit dog, and we were divinely connected.

The Time Audri Crossed the Rainbow Bridge

When Audri was 14, she developed a tumor on her lip. I took her to the vet to have it examined, but they weren’t sure if it was malignant. She had to have the rest of her teeth removed anyway, so during the surgery they also removed the tumor so they could biopsy it. A few days later, the vet called and informed me that she had malignant melanoma. She recommended that I take her to an oncologist, which I ultimately decided against. At her age there was no way I was going to put her through cancer treatments. The vet told me that although we removed the tumor, it would likely come back, but dogs can often live a year to a year and a half with this type of cancer. Of course, Audri had to outdo the norm and lived almost another two years. She changed a lot during those last couple years. She was such a typical old lady; she was senile, clumsy, mostly deaf and blind, and had no teeth. She started going to the bathroom in the house often, and cleaning up after her became a daily chore. But she kept her spunk until the end. We went on walks almost daily until she passed, although they eventually became slower and shorter. About a year and a half after her initial diagnosis, the tumor returned. At first it was small, but after about three months it started growing more rapidly. By the time I put her down, it was about the size of a golf ball hanging from her mouth. Despite the tumor, it was hard to tell when it was her time. I struggled with the decision for months. There were times when I resented her for becoming a burden to take care of, and I was exhausted.

About two and a half months before she transitioned, I had a reading with an intuitive healer who tapped into Audri’s energy. She told me she only had three weeks to live. That was when it hit me. This sweet being who had loved me unconditionally for 14 years was about to leave my life forever. I struggled with guilt for resenting her and realized how important it was that I love her and support her on the last leg of her journey. I had consciously chosen to take her on 14 years prior, and I made a commitment. It was my responsibility to see her through to the end of her life, to love her and cherish her, and to help her to be as comfortable as she possibly could. She ended up sticking around for two and a half more months, which were some of the best times we had together. I loved her as fiercely as I possibly could, and we bonded more than ever.

I struggled with knowing when the time was right, and I kept waiting for a sign. I assumed she would stop eating, but she never did. She had a good appetite until the end. But the tumor kept growing and it was constantly oozing puss and blood. She didn’t seem to notice it much, but in those last couple of weeks she couldn’t even shake her head because it had gotten so big. She also had a myriad other health issues. She was very clumsy and hurt herself several times. She started some strange behaviors and often seemed confused. I hoped she would go on her own, but eventually I realized she needed my help. I worried I was projecting due to my exhaustion of being her caretaker, but ultimately realized I wasn’t cutting her life short even though I was choosing when it was time for her to go. I was helping her, and she needed my help.

At the time, I was in my last few weeks of grad school, and my life was busier and more stressful than ever before. I didn’t want to wait until it was an emergency, which would just make it harder for myself and for her, so I decided to schedule her euthanasia for the day before Thanksgiving. It was the only time I would be able to take a couple days off to give myself time to grieve. My sister planned to be with me, and I planned to stay with her for a few days after. The day before Audri’s appointment, my sister contracted COVID. I frantically searched for a friend to be with me the next day, but ultimately decided that since it wasn’t an emergency, I would postpone the appointment for 10 days in hopes that my sister would recover and be able to be with us. I was thankful to have a little more time with Audri, but she deteriorated a lot during those last 10 days. She took a bad fall down the stairs at my apartment building and wasn’t really the same after. Some nights she would cry for no reason, and she would sometimes act anxious and erratic. At night she couldn’t get back up onto the bed if she had gotten down and would cry until I would wake up and help her. A couple nights she managed to wedge herself between my living room chair and the wall and screamed until I rescued her. The night before her rescheduled appointment, I really knew it was time. She was anxious and whiney, and I felt like she was telling me she was ready. Sadly my sister was still very sick, but I knew I couldn’t reschedule again. Thankfully a friend showed up for me to be with us the next day.

That day was one of the worst days of my life. Her appointment was scheduled for 1pm, and the doctor came to our home to do the euthanasia. That morning was hell. I had so much anxiety, and Audri could sense it. I frantically cleaned the house while I waited for 1 o’clock to approach. Audri watched me and was very aware of my anxiety. At one point she started crying and shaking and I had to sit with her for about a half hour before she relaxed. But she barely slept that day, and by that time in her life she slept almost all the time. My friend showed up at 12:30, and Dr. Danielle arrived a little after 1. She was one of the kindest people I have ever met. When she came in, Audri was completely at ease, didn’t bark at her, and seemed almost happy to see her. It was as if she knew she was there to help her. Dr. Danielle fed Audri turkey jerky while she explained the process to me. She then told me I could feed Audri anything she wanted while she prepared the medicine. I brought her peanut butter and let her lick it off my fingers until she fell asleep. While she was in dreamland before the final injection, I read her my sister’s and mom’s goodbye notes they had sent earlier that day. And then the time came for the final injection. I showered her with love and kisses, just like she did to me the day we met. I told her that it was not goodbye, that she could visit me in my dreams whenever she wanted, and that she could now come with me wherever I went. And then, she left. When Dr. Danielle told me she had transitioned, I lost it. After I gathered myself together, I spent a bit more time with her body. And then we wrapped her up and I carried her in a little basket to Dr. Danielle’s car. I gave her one last kiss, and that’s when I really knew it wasn’t her anymore. It was just a body, and Audri was gone.

I feel so grateful that we were led to each other and that Audri chose me. I will never forget what a sweet, loyal, and loving friend and companion she was to me. She was there with me for so many big events in my life, and quite frankly I’m not sure I would be here today if I didn’t have her to wake up to and take care of each day. I gave her the best life I possibly could give her, and I know one day we will be reunited again.