My Dearest Former Lovers,
While I have had many lovers of varying forms come through my life over the past 20 years, there are three of you that stand out as having had a significant impact on my life and the woman I have become today. It is never easy when an intimate relationship comes to an end no matter the circumstances, and I haven’t had the opportunity to fully express to you, removed from the emotions that were present during our parting, just how great an impact you left on me. Now that I have had time and space to feel and sort through the emotions of each of our breakups, there are some things I’d like to share with you. You may never read this, but that’s not really the point anyway. This is another step, for me, on my pathway toward healing and letting go of any residual pain associated with each of our experiences that may still be lingering in my heart.
Taylor. You were my first true lover. When I met you, I had no sense of self-worth, I didn’t know the first thing about self-love, and I certainly didn’t believe that I was worthy of being loved. You were loyal to me, took care of me, and protected me. In our six and a half years together, we both did a lot of growing both together and individually. I transformed from being just a girl to a strong independent woman during our time together. The strength that you had a part in helping me to find within myself ultimately ended up giving me the strength to walk away from you when things were no longer working. I am truly sorry for the ways that I hurt you, and I hope that you can now see the doors that have been opened for each of us that would not have been possible had we stayed together. We have now been apart for as long as we were together, and it seems as if a lifetime has passed since our parting. I will always cherish and appreciate our experiences together and all that you taught me.
Adam. Our experience together only lasted three years, but by far left the biggest imprint on my heart. The circumstances of the start of our relationship were strange and we almost didn’t come together at all, yet I have never had an easier relationship. We rarely had disagreements, and we laughed together from the moment we woke up until the moment we went to sleep. You respected me, supported me and loved me in a way that I have never experienced. You were kind and tender to me. We didn’t part because we no longer loved each other, which for me has been the hardest part of letting go. My yoga/spiritual journey awakened some things in me that ultimately led me down a path away from you, which was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. There have been many painful days since our parting, and I sometimes wonder if I will ever completely heal. But I have learned so much from our time together as well as our time apart that has strengthened me and my relationship with myself. The heartache I experienced after our breakup pushed me to find my voice and speak my truth. I have you to thank for the strong, vulnerable, confident teacher I have become. And I will forever cherish our memories that still can (and do) make me laugh out loud.
Kevin. Our experience together was brief but powerful. I have never had such an intense and fast connection with anyone. Our love for each other was deep and passionate. But where emotions of intense love exist, so do their counterparts. We came together when we were both still raw from past hurts, and the fact that our relationship didn’t start from a solid foundation ultimately led to its ending. But I have learned so much from you and about me because of our experience together. You helped to pick me back up at a time when I was not at my highest, and reminded me of my strength, beauty and power. You helped me come back to myself and begin to build a stronger bond with myself than I have ever had before. Thank you for allowing me to learn from you, and for allowing me to teach you.
To all of you. I am grateful to the three of you for loving me and being open to learning with me. You have all helped me to remember the radiant, beautiful, strong woman that I have always been. Each of you have offered me something special that has helped me to define what I am seeking and not seeking in future relationships. With each of my experiences, I have become a wiser, stronger and better lover. And the imprints that each of you has left on my heart will remain forever, regardless of where each of us ends up.
With Love Always,
Your Former Lover
